The Ugly Side of Beauty
June 30, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim, Photo copyright 2008 Darnok, courtesy of Morguefile.com
Yesterday as I was scanning Google trends I noticed that one of the top searches was model suicide. This morning, I took the time to read the story. I had no intention of blogging about it. In fact I had a scheduled post, but the story and the comments really bothered me so I thought I would share it here.
Ruslana Korshunova, a 20 year old Russian model nickamed the Russian Rapunzel, plunged to her death this weekend from her home in a tower in New York. The police are investigating her death as a possible suicide, yet that has not been confirmed, as of this writing.
Korshunova was a cover girl for Russian Vogue and French Elle. In the article she was described as sweet, and as is common no one saw signs of depression.
Many of the morning comments were disturbing with jokes made about her blowing off the roof because of her weight to people wondering why this is news. One of my young nephews committed suicide in April and I can honestly tell you there is absolutely nothing funny about suicide.
While making light of death is disturbing enough, the comments also reveal deeper issues with how we feel about beauty. Our culture is obsessed with beauty yet on some level repulsed by the obsession. Men and women strive to emulate the models of beauty yet we objectify those very same models and ridicule their seeming perfection.
Even as we buy potions, creams, miracles in a jar and flock to the latest fitness craze, we rejoice when a supermodel falls from the runway or when a celebrity is filmed from an unflattering angle. We seem to want to tear down the very images that we as a culture have elevated as a model of “success.”
We hungered for news of Britney Spears’ decline. Her mental illness and odd behavior held us capitvated while lining the pockets of big media. We have plastic surgery to correct our flaws, and restrict our diets to perfect our bodies. We want flawless skin and perfect abs like the airbrushed photos of models and celebrities. Yet we poke fun of these same images when they gain 10 pounds or are caught looking less than fabulous.
Today, a young woman is dead. She was beautiful but more importantly she was human. I did not know her but today I mourn her loss and all others who felt that death was their only way out.
Do you think we’re obsessed with beauty? Have the images of beauty ever influenced your own behavior or attitudes?
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Ride the Magic Bus to Success
June 27, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim
“Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live.”-Chamfort, French Playwright
This week, I spent a great deal of time learning. I read, participated in webcasts, teleseminars and soaked up wisdom from anyone willing to share it. I had the opportunity to interact with business leaders I respect and learn some of the techniques that have worked for them. Throughout the week I found validation for a long held belief of mine – The Secret is that there is no secret.
We are surrounded by people who have accomplished the things we want to do and are happy to share how they did it. Never before has information been so readily accessible. Yet so many continue to seek that one magic thing that will finally propel them to their dreams. The only difference between you and the people who have accomplished what you want to do is action.
As Brett so eloquently pointed out this week, you have to be a participant. Sitting on the sidelines and learning the rules is useless if you don’t take action. The masters, gurus and leaders can’t make it happen for you, no more than watching someone else work out will give you six pack abs. They can impart information, and share from their experience but then you have to take action.
“I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.”–Leonardo da Vinci
Our life is very much like a garden. You must plant something in that patch of dirt before anything can bloom. Thinking about how you want the garden to look will not cause it to magically sprout plants. The seeds and the soil are the materials you need for a garden but you still must take the action of planting thm. You then of course have to tend to the garden by watering, fertilizing, and weeding to keep it in good shape.
The funny thing about taking action is that even that is not magical. You can get very excited about planting a garden and run out and buy seeds, fertilizer and garden tools. You can come home, load it all up in the yard and decide it’s too late to start planting that day. The next day, it’s too hot. The next day you have errands, a business trip, the kids have soccer practice. Before you know it, months have passed and you have the materials for a garden and no results.
You have to act and then keep taking action until your act becomes a habit. This is when the real magic happens.
Have you ever allowed excuses to stop the momentum of your action? How did you overcome it? Let’s talk about it and learn from one another! Add your two cents or nickel in the comments. 
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Pretty and Functional
June 26, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim
Yesterday, in the throes of moving the blog and setting things up, my dear James offered a profound comment that stayed with me all day “Ah, good girl!! Now that was smart. Forgoing pretty for functionality… ” Now less you think he was being snarky, allow me to explain.
The original plan was to hire the Pen Men to make me pretty and functional all at once. I would unveil my new address with the house freshly painted and curtains in the window. That was the plan. However, I could take the rental no longer. The walls closed in, my neghbors were noisy and there was no room to grow a garden, so I donned my ninja gear and did a stealth move in the middle of the night. No notice, no moving van, just packed up the bare essentials and moved.
James’ comment stayed with me because I realized that in business and life I want it all – I want pretty and functional. I am not content to look pretty and be worthless and I want my life to operate in the same way. I want my stuff to do the job but look good doing it. However, if I’m forced into a corner and have to choose one thing, well I choose function because I like pretty but I am also a practical sort.
My blog is not yet pretty but I am not ashamed to tell you that the ability to offer you comment luv has my toes tingling with excitement. Featuring your recent comments right over there, has me giggling with glee. So, in a way functional can be pretty even without the trimmings.
Soon I shall be even more functional and pretty to boot. So pardon my dust while we clean up the place but when my interior decorators have worked their magic, you will be awed.
What about you would you choose pretty or functional?
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Moving Day!
June 25, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim
Happy Wednesday! Well, this blog has moved. If you typically access this blog from the tab on my website, I have not yet updated the navigation. Please bookmark our new address. Although I have talked about this move for quite some time, the execution has not gone as planned. Thank goodness for MERRY tips! The move and brand new design were to happen simultaneously. However, I could not bear the frustrations any longer, so last night I picked up and moved (with help from my awesome web host!).
So, no Men with Pens pretty custom design (yet) but commenting will be easier and I will have comment luv (yippee). I was so excited last night I woke up at 3 am and watched the news! Yea, bad idea, but the 3 am ABC news is very interesting, kind of BBC mixed with Good Morning America mixed with carnival. Hmm, this could explain the later dreams about Bette Midler.
I’ll be back tomorrow to hit you with the happy stick in the blog’s new space. I’ll be sure to update you on how to keep subscribing too, one of the many things that must be figured out today.
Have an awesome day and if you’ve got wordpress tips, I’m sure to be asking lots of questions on Twitter or Plurk today!
Peace and love,
Karen
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Making MERRY from Failures
June 24, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim
Are you familiar with the sound effects that accompany total failure? It sounds a little like this…did you hear it? Exactly, it is so silent you can hear dust move across the floor.
Public failure can be especially difficult. There is no covering it up when you blow it while others are watching. Yet, it’s not often humiliation that stings the most, it is our own heartbreak when our results don’t live up to our expectations. The reel of negative self talk plays in a never ending loop. My MERRY tips have helped me to hit the pause button on the torture tape and move on.
- Mourn the Loss. Yes, it is a loss! To deny what you feel only prolongs it. I give myself a specific time period to mourn the loss. I find that 6 1/2 minutes works magic. I can cry, brood and feel sucky and then it’s time to move on.
- Examine your Expectations. Were your expectations realistic? There’s a fine balance between aiming high and setting yourself up for utter disappointment. The balance lies in managing your expectations. Aim for the moon, but if you land in the stars, celebrate your accomplishment rather than mourn your failure.
- Re-evaluate your motive. If you launched a product to make a zillion dollars, land on Oprah and party like Diddy with no thought of the end user and their benefit, well your profits may fall short of expectations. Yes you rock, but you must rock with purpose.
- Roll up your sleeves and learn. Failure teaches us tremendous lessons if you’re willing to learn them. Perhaps the results fell short of expectations but there is much to be gained from the experience. Be willing to honestly examine your process, preparation and attitude. Take notes and use what you’ve learned to continue to move forward.
- You’re not done yet! So you bombed, it’s not the end of the world. I can prove it, you’re here reading this post aren’t you?
So there you have it my MERRY tips for recovering from failure. How do you move on when something has not gone quite as expected? Share your thoughts in the comments.
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Belief + Preparation = You Taking the World by Storm
June 23, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim
Actress, comedienne, and author Mo’Nique exudes confidence. She has overcome barriers and created her own reality in a town where that is not easy to do.
So, it should come as no surprise that while mindlessly flipping channels I stopped to hear her share the secret to her success. I expected to listen in for a few minutes but finger on the remote I sat transfixed for the next half hour rapt with attention.
I feasted on the meal of her wisdom and now I’d like to share a few morsels with you.
Belief + preparation = any d*** thing you want!
Talent is meaningless without belief and preparation. There are many great novels tucked away in bottom drawers, canvases shoved into the corner of basements and songs never heard all by people with tremendous talent. When you believe that you deserve success, you will prepare for it. In fact you will prepare relentlessly knowing that you will make it. And when that break comes, you will be happy but not surprised because you knew…you believed.
My big break came not when the big deal came but when I decided it was my big break.
The book deal, promotion, award, appearance on Oprah, and huge check are not what will define your success. Your success begins within, when you decide you are worthy enough to have it.
When they speak of me of course I want them to say, she was funny, or she was a great actress but most importantly I want them to say I stood for something.
Fame, fortune and even wealth are window dressing. Living with integrity and standing for something has a lasting impact on the people you will touch in this lifetime. Go out and grab your success but make it count for something bigger than you.
Do you believe? What are you doing about it? Share boldly in the comments.
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Sunday Inspiration
June 22, 2008
Words and Photo – Karen D. Swim
“From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.”–John 1:16, New International Version (NIV) Bible
I am painfully aware that I cannot live one day withoutGod’s grace. Today I am thankful that the supply of unmerited favor is not finite. Grace has given me more than I ever deserved or could ever earn in a lifetime. The knowledge of grace bows my head in humility and fills my heart with thankfulness.
Grace enables me to look upon others with a compassion that comes from the knowledge that we are all in this race together. Imperfect creatures faced with the same 24 hours in a day to strive to be better, to do better. Grace humbly reminds me that I am not worthy to judge your perceived faults for I have many of my own. Grace encourages me to reach across the divide and extend the hand of friendship, understanding and love.
As I pour from the cup of grace, it is continually refilled from the source that will never run dry.
Yes, today I am so very thankful for grace. Are you?
P.S. I took this photo several years ago in Maui with a disposable camera. It is a triumph
that my thumb does not appear in the photo, so please extend a little grace as you view it.
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Are you a commitment phobe?
June 20, 2008
by Karen D. Swim, Photo: Jeff Belmonte, Flickr.com
”Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes… but no plans.” –Peter F. Drucker
Do you have a fear of commitment? According to Queendom.com, “Commitment phobia is the fear and avoidance of having to commit, particularly to relationships.” The site offers a commitment readiness test to help you assess if you are commitment phobic or “ready to take the proverbial plunge?”
Commitment phobia is not exclusive to relationships. You may fear making a commitment to yourself. You will not invest the time and resources in your goals and dreams because you are not quite ready to take the plunge.
Commitment to yourself requires a willingness to accept change, and that can be scary. However, change is necessary as standing in the same place, doing the same thing will yield the same results.
“The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt but in spite of doubt.” –Rollo May
Commitment moves your “I Want” to “I Will.” When you are fully engaged, losing is no longer an option. Tiger Woods did not delay surgery because he wanted to win the US Open. He made a firm commitment, stating his intention to win the US Open.
Melanie Roach captured the #1 one spot on the four woman 2008 Olympic Team. Melanie has a full life as the mother of three small children under the age of six, one of whom is autistic, owner/operator of a gymnastics training facility with over 500 students, wife of fourth term incumbent Washington State House of Representatives legislator, and Sunday school teacher! Yet, she committed to her dream of making the Olympic team and made it happen.
As in relationships, commitment does not come without bumps in the road. You are certain to hit some speed bumps along the way. Work through them and keep moving forward. As you move through challenges you will find that your commitment will deepen. Do not fear the challenge, fear quitting!
Are you willing to take the plunge for YOU today?
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Gone Fishing!
June 18, 2008
Words For Hire has gone fishing (metaphorically not physically) but will return tomorrow with the catch of the day. Got any fish tales of your own to share? Feel free to leave a comment!
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What Song Are You?
June 17, 2008
by Karen D. Swim
What song are you today? Are you a lilting melody with haunting string accompaniments, or a stately, solemn piece with a repeated bass? Perhaps, you are a symphonic harmony building to a crescendo, or a song with shifting moods and busy texture.
What song does your family hear when you greet them at the breakfast table? What song do you play when you stop at the morning coffee shop? Are you a hard driving bass line with raging guitar chords as you make your daily commute? When you arrive at the office, is your greeting Vivaldi or is it humming in angry dissonance and tortured angst?
I rose this morning a song of praise, counting my blessings and rejoicing at the start of a day. My lips dripped sweet melodies as I greeted those I encountered. The soft sweet melody rose to a resounding crescendo of CAN, WILL, BELIEVE as I reviewed my goals for the day. With the sounds of belief firmly implanted, a rising drumbeat transitions me to a heart pumping, energy charged beat that screams Let’s Get It Started!
What tune are the chords of your life playing?
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