The Ebb and Flow of Life
July 31, 2008
Image via Wikipedia
Written by Karen D. Swim
I closed my eyes and visualized the ebb and flow of the ocean. In my mind’s eye I was transported to the familiarity of the Pacific standing at ocean’s edge watching the tide rise and fall. Seagulls flew overhead and the air seemed to rock with the rhythm of the ocean. I breathed deeply as the cool breeze caressed my cheek with its gentle song. I stood firmly in the sand that shifted with each new wave, sinking deeper as I struggled to remain upright.
Opening my eyes, I shook my head and returned to the ebb and flow of my life. The day had started easily enough but then the phone call had come. Hospital…stroke…now recovering….it will be okay. A violent reality followed by words meant to comfort but seemed only to float beyond my reach. The truth of my tenuous relationship with my family, the worry, the questions invaded my thoughts causing my body to feel the weight.
As life threatened to pull me out with the tide, I dug deeper, determined to hold on. The world beneath me shifted but still I stood.
The night meant to bring rest was filled with tossing and turning. Dreams that taunted me to discover their meaning, faces from my past, sadness threatening my peace of mind. My mind determined to overcome, my legs kicking me awake. I lay quietly in the stillness of the night, the air heavy with anxiety.
At 5 am resigned to start the day, I padded from the bed with swollen eyes. Time for a run to clear my head and prepare to fight the battles of the day. Stepping out into the morning air, I was engulfed with warm air that seemed to swirl and hang before sinking into my skin. I stood still as I waited for confirmation that there was at least a bit of morning coolness. I tilted my head and saw the blue sky and fluffy clouds with patches of dark grey. I sighed as I took off. Let it rain, I would survive. I always have.
How do you manage the ebb and flow of life? Care to share? The conversations are always welcomed wherever they take place. 
Thank you so much for reading! Subscribe to keep up with the latest posts and feel free to spread the word!Get free updates via RSS or email.
Rocking the Sunshine Spirit Year Round
July 30, 2008
Image via WikipediaWritten by Karen D. Swim
Have you ever noticed how every season has its own rhythm, its own unique flow? Summer with longer days and warmer weather has an upbeat but casual rhythm. Rays streaming through the window in the morning are energizing, encouraging you to get up and get moving. However those same rays during the work day can be distracting as they beckon you to come out and play.
This week Ellen Wilson wrote about “the flow.” For many achieving flow in summer is a challenge because of the various distractions. For others, the combination of fun and work is exactly what is needed to achieve flow.
In summer we tend to lighten up. From clothing to food to reading choices, we shed layers and allow ourselves to have a little fun. Many of us find ourselves playing hooky in summer to take a stroll, go for a run in the park, play a few holes of golf, or go to the beach. We give in to that little voice that says “Let’s play!” We take vacations with the family, visit amusement parks, and have impromptu backyard cook-outs. It is a season when we achieve what eludes us during most of the year – balance.
Summer is the perfect time of year to regain a more balanced life and schedule. We can let go of the language that holds us captive in other seasons – “I must,” “I should,”and “I have to” change to “I can,” “I get to,” and “I choose to.” It is a shift that would serve us well all year.
Imagine being faced with a looming deadline and an invitation to attend a Springsteen (insert your performer of choice here) concert where you will have front row seats and backstage passes. In your non-summer language you might say “I can’t, I have to meet this deadline.” Ah, but it’s summer, so instead your internal voice says, “How can I find a way to meet this deadline and go to the concert?” By changing your language, your brain now fixes on solutions and you are empowered with the freedom to choose.
We all respond better when we are in the position of making a choice rather than having one forced upon us. The good news is that you can rock the power of sunshine year round by adopting a mindset of choice and balance. Your Monday Morning blues can become Monday Morning Choose. You hop out of bed (or rise slowly if that’s your thing) equipped with the power of choice. You can either “get to” go to work or “have to.” The choice is yours.
What about you? Are you able to maintain a healthy balance year round? Does summer mean more playtime for you? Feel free to play and chat in the comments.
Thank you so much for reading! Subscribe to keep up with the latest posts and feel free to spread the word!Get free updates via RSS or email.
In the Zone
July 29, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim
Robert Hruzek is on vacation and was crazy er nice enough to ask me to guest post in his absence. Since I don’t want to go down in history as the guest poster who killed Robert’s blog, will you help me out by visiting over there today? Robert has a great community over there and if you’re not a regular reader , you’re in for a treat. This week he has an incredible all star line-up and I hope in addition to helping me out you’ll visit this week and show his guests some love. I hope to see you at the Zone!
Thank you so much for reading! Subscribe to keep up with the latest posts and feel free to spread the word!Get free updates via RSS or email.
5 Tips on How to Look Good Naked
July 28, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim
How to Look Good Naked is a television program which first aired on British TV and now has a USA version. The premise of the show is helping ordinary women to rebuild their self-esteem through a series of confidence boosting exercises culminating in a nude photo. The lesson of every show is learn to love your body “as is” and then add the proper garments to flatter it.
I caught the show at a gym and it helped pass the time on the dreadmill (I hate indoor runs!). In spite of the cotton candy pop psychology, and corny tiara chirpiness, I found myself smiling as I picked up a lesson or two about “dressing for success.” As I stole a peek at my own sweaty silhouette (and wondered if my sweats made me look fat), I began to see the parallels to writing. Whether writing articles, novels or marketing messages we can all benefit from learning how to first look good naked.
- Start with a solid foundation. On the TV show, all women get an attitude makeover before they begin shopping for a single garment. For the writer the foundation begins with listening. You must attune your eyes, ears, and mind to hear the words and the silences between them. When you listen with all of your senses and without imposing your own prejudgment you will really hear the your characters, your story, your muse or your target audience.
- Add the right first layer. With the body the initial layer makes a huge difference in how clothes look and fit. Your idea must also be outfitted with a good structure. Before you wrap it in artsy covers, graphics or glossy brochures, your writing must stand on the strength of the words. Your message/story must be able to stand in just their skivvies and still look good.
- Don’t hide out in a muu muu. It is tempting to hide flaws and imperfections under bulky outer layers. However, rather than hiding the muu muu only brings attention to the most unwanted areas. You cannot cover a flawed idea, or message in layers of words. It adds unnecessary girth and makes your structure look unattractive.
- Work what you have! You may not be the writer you desire to be today. Rather than wringing your hands in angst or comparing yourself to others, work what you have today. Play up your strengths (yes you have them!) as you work on areas that need improvement.
- You are your worse critic. We are often so much harder on ourselves than others will ever be. We distort the truth with our own feelings of inadequacy. You will not churn out a masterpiece every time you sit down to write but you also will not suck every time.
- How to Look Good Naked reinforces that every woman regardless of shape or size can learn to put her best self forward. Women are transformed from frumpy to fabulous without diets, exercise, or surgery. With just a few tweaks, you can have the same results with your writing.
What are your tips for looking good naked?
Thank you so much for reading! Subscribe to keep up with the latest posts and feel free to spread the word!Get free updates via RSS or email.
Go-Go Boots and a Zest for Life
July 25, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim
When I was 8 years old, I had a pair of black go-go boots. They laced up the front and zipped on the side. I loved those boots. I wanted to wear them with everything! One Friday, I put them on with my favorite fire engine red jumper and planned on going to school. However, in my day wearing red and black on a Friday was scandalous. (Don’t ask, some hooker connection). I of course did not defy my mother, but it did not change my love for those boots with that red jumper.
The year was 1972 and I was growing up in the era of Hippies and Black Panthers. My little hands alternately made the peace sign and the black power sign. I had a fondness for love beads, afro hair styles and head bands. Ah, but the boots were my favorite. In them I was fierce. I walked a little different, and posed with one hand on my hip and my head held back.
At age eight I was not questioning my choices or comparing them to societal norms. Like all children, my days were carefree and life was safe and joyous. I was ready to take on the world in my go-go boots and youthful exuberance. (Even then I believed in the power of shoes!) With my boots on, I could read the lyrics of Marvin Gayes’s “What’s Going On?” (released in 1973) a million times but still find hope in the world.
As adults we could all do with a healthy dose of childhood hope once in awhile. The ability to see the world not only as it is but how it can be. A belief that we can make a difference, that we have the potential to change the world. My black go-go boots are long gone but a little bit of their spirit remains with me. It is that spirit that encourages me to wear my boots with pride and live life with vigor, hope and absolute joy.
Are there things that you can learn from your childhood self? Do you find yourself being too serious at times? If so, how do you lighten up?
Thank you so much for reading! Subscribe to keep up with the latest posts and feel free to spread the word!Get free updates via RSS or email.
Friend Feeders, Gorgers and Other Tales of Social Media
July 24, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim
Years ago I met a woman named Lisa (not her real name) while doing my civic duty as a juror. After 14 days of being cooped up in a room with a group of people you either walk out friends or never want to see them again! Lisa and I seemed to get along fine. She was around my age and we were both single. We exchanged contact information and agreed to keep in touch.
We got together the following weekend for a movie. She called me later that night, and the next day, and the next day. Well you get the picture. She called a lot to moan and complain. Lisa was what my friends and I called an “energy vampire.”
I had a close group of girlfriends and I was accustomed to having a phone to my ear at least 18 hours per day, but this was not the same. Lisa kept inviting me to do things and I would beg off politely. I stopped returning phone calls yet she persisted.
Finally, I did something uncharacteristic, I was mean. I told Lisa that my quota for friends was filled, and I was no longer accepting new applicants. She tried to argue with me (I mean geez she really was tenacious) and our last conversation ended badly. I felt guilty but cleansed.
Social media networking has become a little like Lisa. I love connecting with other people but lately have found myself wanting to draw the line. I get stock LinkedIn invites from strangers or advertisements masked as an invite for things I neither want nor need. People leave self-promotional ads on my profile page and then spam me with invites to join everything from the Bombay cooking school network to support groups for people who don’t like the color green! And please let’s not discuss the creepy Facebook applications!
Now, I am not saying that I don’t want to connect with diverse people (diverse, not creepy) but try connecting with me where I already hang out. Let’s exchange pleasantries before you then shoot me invites to 20 other places to which I don’t belong. I love LinkedIn and it is one place where having a large network comes in handy. However, can you at least customize the invite beyond the stock invitation (yes you company of people who have been mandated by HR to befriend everyone on LinkedIn). Now, if I already know you I could care less about the stock invitation, but if you don’t know me at all how about a little bit of effort?
Social networking has been great for me personally and professionally. I love the Skype talks with Roland, and my Gtalk chats with Daniel Smith. I enjoy my twitter buds and blog comment buddies (ahem that would be all of you) . I can check out of Plurk for weeks and come back to insightful questions from Jane Chin and intense discussions on social media led by Her Royal Fierceness, Connie Reece or Mack Collier. Yet I am joining the legions of people who are beginning to re-think the concept of open networker. So be warned, if you send me an invite in a language I don’t understand or a picture of you in your underwear, I just may tell you that I’m all out of friend spots. Perhaps Lisa is available.
Are you an active participant in social media? Has your approach changed to how you add friends?
Thank you so much for reading! Subscribe to keep up with the latest posts and feel free to spread the word!Get free updates via RSS or email.
Do You Trust Your Instincts?
July 23, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim
The other day I stood in line at an office supply store. It was hot, humid and I was in no particular hurry to leave the air conditioned store. As I waited to pay for my purchase, I turned my attention to the customer at the front of the line. A woman was purchasing a typewriter. I was initially struck by the sight of a typewriter being purchased. I often spot them in offices where people type forms (yes some forms still need to by typed!) but never really noticed them brand new in the store. As I scanned the box, I tuned in to the woman’s conversation. She was questioning the return policy, which was 14 days.
She asked the cashier, who truly seemed baffled by the question, if the 14 day return policy was a recent change. The woman seemed bewildered that she would only be given 14 days to decide if the purchase was right for her. After a 10 minute exchange she paid the cashier and left with her new typewriter.
As I walked to my car, the woman looked at me as she loaded the purchase into her car. Smiling she asked if I had overheard the exchange. She explained that she needed to type real estate forms and her daughter thought she could scan the forms and fill them in but they weren’t sure. She made the purchase just in case but was astonished she would not have 30 days to return it if she chose not to keep it. We chatted for a few moments about her purchase and her business. I wished her luck and headed to my car.
I thought about the woman’s dilemma and wondered how often had I made an investment in something “just in case.” How many decisions did I make hoping they had a return policy?
The woman bought the typewriter but without wholly believing, it was the right solution (which by the way was the right decision). Her questions belied that she hoped the solution would not be needed. She handed over her money but a part of her hoped to get it back. How often had I done the same with my money or time?
I believe something within the woman told her she would need that typewriter. Yet, like many of us, she followed the instinct but held on to her doubt. Afraid to trust her own decision, she wanted an exit strategy, a safe way out in case she was wrong.
“A peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one.” ~Rita Mae Brown
Life does not always hand us neat little return policies. Often we must simply choose a course of action and trust that we have made the right choice. Sometimes we will be wrong. There will be no return policy and we may lose something – time, money perhaps even credibility. We can research, question, analyze and agonize but eventually we will simply have to decide. Pick a course of action and see it through. You may fail but you may also make the right choice, just like the lady with the typewriter.
Have you ever struggled to trust your decisions? How did you learn to trust your own instincts?
Thank you so much for reading! Subscribe to keep up with the latest posts and feel free to spread the word!Get free updates via RSS or email.
How to Get Your Groove Back
July 21, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim
It happens to the best of us. Your get up and go gets up and well goes. You feel lethargic and uninspired. Your creative muse hides out leaving you in the lurch. You try to break through the funk but it’s like trying to climb out of quick sand with a rope slathered in Vaseline. No need to fear Batman, you can reclaim your mojo with these three quick tips.
- Shake it up. Nothing cures a case of the uninspired than shaking it up a little. Change your dull dreary routine. If you work at home, pack up that laptop and take it to a new location for the day. If you work in an office, take a different route to work, try a new coffee run along the way. Wear a different color or style of clothing. Instead of hopping on the dreadmill at the gym, take a spinning class. Try something new. Little changes in your day or routine can renew your energy and change your perspective.
- Level it out. An out of balance life is the number one killer of passion. If your flame has flickered your schedule may be to blame. Have you become all work and no play? Does your family communicate with you only through text messages? Are you sucking down lattes and red bulls to make it through long and getting longer work days? You may be in need of a time out. Block out some time to take a walk in the park, see a movie, get a massage or have a meal with friends (a real meal with real friends, not a microwave meal while you Twitter). Take a day off and play hooky with the family. Now that you’ve had some time away, take a hard look at your schedule. What can you delegate? What things can be moved to “ignore” list? Moving forward, what shifts can you make in your schedule to keep your life in a better balance?
- Exercise your gifts and talents. We gain energy by expending it. Gifts and talents that go unused drain your spirit of energy leaving you feeling unfulfilled and tired. If you are in a job that does not make use of your gifts or talents, you may find yourself bored and listless. It may not be practical to quit but you can find creative ways to put that talent to use. Take a class, volunteer, join a group or simply make time to indulge your talent during non-working hours. If your job is really out of sync, make time to work on a career transition. A career or life coach can be invaluable in helping you develop a strategy for major transitions.
From time to time we all need to recharge our batteries. Even when life is going great, breaking up the routine helps to keep us fresh and inspired. If your work and talents are in sync, exercise them in new ways to prevent burnout. Anyone can fall into a rut from time to time but the good news is you don’t have to remain there.
How do you shake off the doldrums? Have you ever discovered a new passion or hobby while trying to shake out of a rut? Share your rut busting stories or tips in the comments. If you have never commented, shake it up a little and offer your thoughts.
Thank you so much for reading! Subscribe to keep up with the latest posts and feel free to spread the word!Get free updates via RSS or email.
The Sun Always Rises
July 18, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim, Twin Suns Photo by Gracey courtesy of morguefile.com
“Man cannot command the sun to rise nor the stars to shine
In the darkest of days life will go on with or without you.”
These words echoed in my soul during a particularly difficult time in my life. I was overtaken by a sorrow that I thought would never lift. My days were lived in a fog of grief, and my visibility was limited to one step at a time. It was during this period, that I arrived home one night and exited my car. As the door closed I felt my eyes pulled toward the sky. Stars twinkled against the inky blackness in a brilliance so blinding I had to blink my eyes. I stood by the car staring into the night sky amazed that the stars were there. How could they twinkle when my heart was breaking? How long had they been there without my notice?
And so it was that my healing began. The next day I noticed sunlight on a leaf. My world once again expanded beyond my broken heart. My tears soon turned to fond remembrances. My eyes once again focused on something other than me.
We all go through difficult times. Sorrow and joy, pain and pleasure, life and death. It is the cycle of life which teaches our hearts to revel in the joy of what is good and strengthens us to withstand what is hard. Yet, I have learned to take comfort in knowing that “this too shall pass.” When I doubt, I only have to look up to confirm that life is indeed going on.
This post is my contribution to Liz Strauss’ 25 Words of Work/Life Wisdom project. If you would like to participate, it is open to all. The deadline is July 19th.
So what saith you dear reader? Do you have words of wisdom to offer? Please feel free to share whatever is on your mind. Comments are open and refreshments are free.
Thank you so much for reading! Subscribe to keep up with the latest posts and feel free to spread the word!Get free updates via RSS or email.
Grocery Store Confessions and Other Wild Tales
July 16, 2008
Written by Karen D. Swim
I opened the door and walked into the cool air of the building. As I glanced to the left, I smiled and greeted a woman in eye view. Behind the thick lenses of her glasses, I saw it – that familiar glint. She rushed over to chat. “Hi, how are you?” Her shoulders sagged and she looked at me intently and said, “My daughter is addicted to meth and she’s pregnant.”
A torrent of personal information spilled forth which I shall not repeat here. She took a deep breath when done as though purged and satisfied. I tilted my head to the side waiting for what I knew would come next. As if on cue, her hand flew to her mouth, and her eyes grew wide as she whispered “Oh God, I don’t know why I told you all of that.”
This is a familiar scene in my life. People blurt out their secrets, and then cover their mouth in shock exclaiming, “I don’t know why I told you that! I have never told anyone that. I’m so sorry.” I always respond with empathy reassuring them they have no reason to be embarrassed. We all need someone to listen.
I don’t look like a police officer, and I can’t pull off authoritative if you forced me too. I tried it with NY cabbies and I collapsed into giggles. Yet for some reason a smile and greeting is all it takes for people to pull up the proverbial couch and tell all.
Now, I personally do some goof ball stuff, talk to the mail carrier with soy peanut butter on my chin, fail to realize that my zipper is down (no worries, no one was flashed) or walk into closed doors if I have not had coffee but confess my secrets to strangers? Uh oh, no way! I mean hair sticking up is one thing but raising someone’s hair with my own tales, no thanks!
My magic powers do not end with strangers. I know things. I would tell you but then… well you know the rest of that line. I am the Official Secret Keeper; yep that’s me Grand Poobah of the Vault.
I wonder if I have a glint in my eye that says please tell all. Friends and colleagues have called me Oprah. I do possess mad mediation skills. If there is conflict, I can decompress it in nothing flat, but how have I become the Queen of Confessions. It makes sense (most of the time) when people I know tell me secrets but strangers? These people don’t know me from Adam, Eve. And maybe, just maybe that is the point.
Written by Karen D. Swim
It is easy to confess all to someone who cannot hit you over the head with your own history. A stranger will just listen (or raise an eyebrow and walk away). I am always happy to listen and offer words of encouragement or comfort. I am glad that people find me approachable and somehow sense that I will not rebuke them.
Yet, it also makes me a little sad. I can listen in the moment and hopefully offer words that will help. However, what happens in the days to come when they need support? My friends have me, official secret keeper but what about the people who find themselves confessing to a woman in the produce aisle?
I fear that it is a symptom of our greater need to connect. We have lots of access points but few true connections. Rapid fire email, text and phone conversations are not meeting our needs.
We no longer have “fence neighbors” because we’re fenced in with no time for idle chatter (unless it is done online!). We don’t walk the dog and stop to chat along the way. We have friends but all too often we are too busy to really connect. Instead hurried updates are squeezed between loads of laundry and email.
We are doing ourselves a disservice. It is amazing how wonderful it is to sit and talk, really talk to a friend or loved one without distractions. When we nurture our connections with others we nurture our souls. My friendships have been enriched over the years by sharing. Tears, laughter and prayers have been woven into a tightly weaved bond that holds us together in spite of the miles.
If you have been too busy to connect, take this as your cue. Make some time for friends and family or you may find yourself spilling all to a stranger.
Have you ever confessed to a stranger? Did it help or did you regret it? Has anyone confessed to you? Care to share? The comment box is always open and there is absolutely no charge.
Thank you so much for reading! Subscribe to keep up with the latest posts and feel free to spread the word!Get free updates via RSS or email.
Get free updates – RSS or Email
-
Recent Comments
Badges & Buttons
