Adrenalin, Pie and the Holiday Season

November 30, 2009

: Image by wallyg via Flickr

It’s the last day of November and round the world we have officially entered the holiday season. If you’re a US resident you survived the Thanksgiving weekend – congratulations! Your wonderful holiday may have included:

Breaking bread with people you barely know
A long road trip with your entire family crammed into a vehicle that felt like a shoebox as the miles added up
Slogging through airport check-ins to spend time with relatives
Dodging questions from your bubbe, nana or dear Aunt Betty that range from your marital and childbearing status to your weight and the job they don’t quite get
Trying to politely decline food you no longer eat without going into a long explanation of your dietary choice and uh desire to live past the age of 40.

Ah , fa la la la la la la la.

On Thanksgiving Day, I ran into my local store to grab some forgotten item. I had just finished a run and the happy hormones were rushing through my system. The store had already abandoned the Thanksgiving decorations and red bows and green lights had taken their place. It’s a one stop store where you can buy your groceries, office supplies, lawn ornaments and power tools all in one place (don’t ask, I still don’t quite get it either). I was immediately hit with the delightful smell of fresh baked goods. Yet, among the twinkling lights and joy to the world, there was one thing missing – happiness.

The workers looked battle worn and fatigued. The shoppers were buying holiday trimmings and gifts but none were smiling. I received mumbled hello’s and barely perceptible nods to my cheery greetings (I was happy, I had a good run and I was going to eat pie!). Wasn’t this a season of grateful reflection and joy?

Finally at the checkout, I found it, a happy couple. They smiled even before I let them cut in front of me. They were in their late 70s and made quite a striking pair. They had bought several cans of some type of fruit, and the wife explained they had gone to three stores to find it. She chatted cheerily while directing her husband. He smiled as he followed his wife’s lead, clearly masterful at a lifetime of “yes dears.” They had gone to three stores and they were neither harried, grumpy or seemingly tired.

This dear couple had clearly lived through many holidays. As life goes, I guarantee that they were not all stress free. Yet, they seemed to have arrived at a place that allowed them to enjoy the simple things like finding a searched for food item three stores later.

Maybe it was my runner’s high or my delight about the pie, but I committed to hold on to my joy in the midst of this frenzied season. It’s so easy to be caught like a deer in Christmas lights at this time of year. Yet, the things that really matter have little to do with blinking lights and bright wrapping paper. I will not blame the retailers for ruining the holidays but will take responsibility for my own actions and attitude. I can choose to honor my own values and reasons for celebration this season or I can choose stress and frustration. I can also choose to spread that joy to everyone around me, and that just happens to fit perfectly into my budget.

This week I’ll be sharing some of my personal stress busting strategies, and I would love to hear from you. How do you manage the demands of this time of year? Any must have rituals that keep you sane?

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Posted by Karen Swim | Filed Under Insights | 15 Comments

Thankful Reflection and Learning

November 23, 2009

: Image via Wikipedia

In the US we will celebrate Thanksgiving on Thursday. Already, things are slowing down a bit as people travel to spend time with their families or hunker down to get everything done in this three day work week. I like this time of year. It is a quiet time for reflecting and giving thanks before the holiday retail frenzy grabs hold and unleashes a flurry of stressful buying and gift giving.

It is a perfect time to reflect, learn and begin to implement new habits and actions. Writing has been an integral part of my own reflection. It has been eye opening to explore the process of writing and learning over at Joyful Jubilant Learning this month. I encourage you to check out the posts there and consider joining in on the Group Writing Project . One of my favorite posts there this month was Opening a Vein by Káren Wallace. Filled with raw emotion, the piece was haunting, poetic and so aptly described many of my own feelings about writing.

My own journal has chronicled my fears, frustrations and fantasies about the months ahead. As I pour it all out upon the pages, I am able to clearly see paths and patterns. The task of writing it all down frequently leaves me spent but satisfied. There is a sense of space and calm as I let the thoughts tumble from my head to the page.

I must admit that not everything is clear but I have learned to be okay with that too. I am embracing carving out a road that is straight and squiggly and veers off in unexpected directions. I believe that is one of the reasons why Joanna Young’s revealing post, The Search for the Rosetta Stone or Confessions of a Serial Blogger , struck me so deeply.

This week I will be reflecting on these lessons and catching up on my reading. Of course, there will also be pie involved because it is Thanksgiving week. I also want to take a moment to say Thank You. Whether you pop in on occasion or show up faithfully, whether you read in silence or offer comments, I am so thankful for YOU! Every single person that subscribes, reads, shares is so valued by me.

So, what’ s in store for you this week? If pie is involved, please share.

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Posted by Karen Swim | Filed Under Writing | 21 Comments

What Story are You Writing?

November 19, 2009

On Monday, I shared a peek into my wildly overactive imagination. My mind filled in the blanks with a story of my choosing in absence of facts and data. The truth was far simpler than what my mind contrived. In that instance, no harm was done, and the results were a hearty chuckle. Yet, Wendi Kelly knowingly commented:

“Karen that is great story. And also a great story about how we make rash judgments about people and situations before we don’t have all the facts. There is a great lesson in here!”

Wendi was right, there is a lesson to be learned from my wild tale. We tell ourselves stories every day, and they have a profound impact on our conduct and our relationships. In his book, Be the Hero, Noah Blumenthal notes that tell stories about: other people, our situation, ourselves. The way we tell these stories cast us as either victim or hero, but we are fully in control of our role. When we change our stories, we change our lives.

It is human nature as Wendi notes to fill in the gaps when we don’t have all the facts. We can make up a back story for a colleague who appears angry and uncooperative, which can validate what we choose to see rather than viewing it from a perspective of compassion. We tell stories about our spouses, friends, and children, and then we seek to fulfill them by continuing to validate our own beliefs.

Noah’s position is that we can literally change our lives by changing our stories. Imagine filling in the gaps in a way that allow you to be open and receptive to new ideas and change. How would your work environment change if everyone began communicating like a hero rather than a victim? Would it affect your relationship with that surly co-worker or the seemingly hard-nosed boss? Changing your people stories in a way that seeks to understand rather than blame will most certainly improve every relationship in your life.

Our situation stories provide another opportunity for us to choose hero or victim. You can choose to magnify the negative or you can choose to see and celebrate the best in your life. No matter how dark the days, or large the challenges there is always an opportunity to choose to look at what is right in your life, rather than what is wrong.

Finally, there are the self stories. Victims have things happen to them, while heroes make things happen. Are you telling yourself that you have the power to influence your choices or have you cast yourself as a helpless victim whom life rolls over?

We always have a choice. However, we also have a choice to embrace or reject that choice. Being the hero is not a Pollyanna view of life that denies that bad things happen. Life is complex, and messy. Even when you change your story your co-worker may remain surly and your boss may be a jerk. Being the does not require an adoring crowd or outside validation, but a quiet determination to choose to be the hero even when no one else is looking. If you are going to fill in the blanks why not fill them in with stories that build and nurture rather than destroy?

How about you? Have you ever cast yourself as the victim? How would a hero story have changed the situation?

Resources:

How to be Happy Now – Wendi Kelly’s beautiful post that challenges our notion that happy is elusive. She challenges us to courageously choose happiness even when life seems to be directing us otherwise.

Be the Hero - Noah’s book is not a sentimental view through rose colored glasses. The book delivers a powerful message through the use of a parable. We follow the stories of those who went from victim to hero and those stories really hit home.

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Posted by Karen Swim | Filed Under Insights | 16 Comments

Naked Trees and Wild Eyed Murderers

November 16, 2009

I stood aimlessly looking out the window while waiting for the water to boil for my tea. It was an odd sort of day. The skies were grey but the temperatures were warm. Some of the trees were completely bare and their naked branches clutched at the sky like scraggly fingers. Other trees were full with fall color having survived the few bits of rain and wind of the season.

As I watched the odd little pattern the naked and full trees made, a silver SUV pulled into a slot across the street. The tires bumped the curb making a soft thud. The driver then backed up a bit lopsided and once again hit the curb, as though he were trying to drive over it. My spine tingled as I moved a bit closer to the glass to investigate.

The car was not moving but the taillights were on. I squinted in an effort to see the license plate. Another minute passed and I was certain that the driver was a crazy, inebriated ex who was planning to drive his car through my neighbor’s front door. My mind raced ahead as I mentally planned grabbing my shoes running down the stairs and out the door to save my neighbor from disaster. “Oh no, what if one of the children goes running by,” I thought with panic rising. I would have to move fast but I was sure I could do it.

I moved a little to the side watching the unmoving car. A few moments later the door opened. My mind raced wildly with dizzying questions – Should I call 911? Should I get my bat? I kept watching the car as I plotted to take down the murderer or at the very least call the police.

The minutes ticked away and by now the kettle was boiling. I ignored the sound and kept watching. The door was still open and I saw a shoulder emerge and then disappear back inside the car. Several moments passed and then the figure slowly emerged. I held my breath, watching and waiting. Finally, the door began to close and I drew in my breath, waiting to see the crazed mad man whom I would soon have to take down.

He was hunched over and moving slowly, shuffling really, using his cane to find the ground in front of him before taking a step. My crazed mad man was a sweet little old man who clearly had a little trouble with his eyesight!

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Posted by Karen Swim | Filed Under Writing | 14 Comments

Leadership Moments

November 12, 2009

The world is in need of strong, confident leaders. Those who have the courage to make decisions based on what is good and right and not what is popular. Those who are sensitive yet not swayed by emotion when it comes time to make tough choices that are right. Whether you choose to boldly step up or quietly lead, we all have have an opportunity each day to be a leader. When your leadership moment arrives, will you be ready?

Posted via email from Marketing, Musings and More from Karen Swim

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Posted by Karen Swim | Filed Under Insights | 6 Comments

You’re Lazy and You Look Fat in Those Pants

November 9, 2009

Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, FriendFeed, Identica, Ning, Plurk. Today we have an amazing array of social media tools that allow us to connect with others for business and pleasure. The ease of push button publishing and multiple platform connectivity has significantly altered the way we communicate. Open access and ease of use, however, still require an investment that some are not willing to make.

It’s easy but that is no excuse to be lazy. There is a pervasive lack of effort with many self-anointed marketers. Generic messages are prepared and blasted to thousands of people, and the cycle is repeated. It is a numbers game right? Social media makes it easy to reach thousands and eventually your message will connect with the right person, or so you reason.

As a sales manager, my team took great pains to get to know prospective clients before pitching. At the time, there was no Google search, Facebook or even LinkedIn. We had to invest time and effort in uncovering wants, needs and preferences. When invited to a prospect’s inner sanctum, we respected their time and invitation by discussing relevant problems and solutions. This meant an understanding of not only who we were and what we had to offer but a keen understanding of the problems and opportunities of that prospect.

Information was and still is power. The investment to gain that information paid off in actual sales. My job was based on numbers and my efforts were appropriately directed to the right people with a precise, and highly relevant message.

Today, information is much easier to uncover. There are profiles and websites that provide a huge amount of information. Yet, the majority of “business” people fail to review, let alone leverage that information. Your hit and run approach may actually result in a few sales but you have missed the bigger opportunity to create a solid, sustainable business that produces a higher ROI on your investment.

You can continue to be lazy or you could be smart. If you connect with someone on Facebook, before sending a completely irrelevant pitch via their inbox, take a moment to review their profile, and news feed. Visit their website or blog, read their wall postings. Connect with them on something real rather than immediately pushing your own agenda.

Your irrelevant hit and run messages are more than annoying; they can be downright offensive. An off-topic pitch is akin to reviewing my head shot and telling me I look fat in my pants.

My twitter stream and Facebook page is not your personal playground. I let you in and expect you to treat it just as you would if you were a guest in my home. Respect that you are a guest and that means abiding by my house rules.

Has your approach to creating connections changed for the social web? In what ways?

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Posted by Karen Swim | Filed Under Insights | 18 Comments

140 Characters from Darkness to Light

November 2, 2009

: Image via Wikipedia

Regret clings to my soul like cobwebs in a dusty attic. It seems that all that is left of me are memories of what was as hope drains from my heart leaving me empty and lifeless. With head bowed and shoulders intent on greeting each other in sorrow, I sigh deeply and turn on the machine that taunts me as it boots up. Mindlessly I click on Twitter and my eyes capture a flicker, a quote that wraps around my chilled heart and shakes me from my coma of hopelessness.

@GrantThomson A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.- John Barrymore

I do not want to warm myself on chilly nights with fading memories of my past accomplishments playing like a scratched album with the needle stuck in the grooves. A small piece of my old fighting spirit rises to the surface and a longing to make new “bests” that are in the present and now. I fight through the fog that has enshrined me to bring my fingers to the keyboard defiantly tapping out words, ramblings that may or may not become sentences but determined nevertheless to find my way again to life. The fog holds on with a tight grip releasing vapors as I struggle to climb above it, to see the sun that I know exists above the dark clouds. A tiny spark emerges, barely enough to light the way but I focus on the pinprick of light and tap, tap, tap my way from the cave of darkness.

I tap like a madwoman, possessed by the journey, barely seeing, not thinking but suddenly with a fierce need a single minded mission to break free fro the prison of despair. I hear nothing but the tap, tap, tap slowly rising to a crescendo as I battle my way to the light. My furrowed brow is beaded with sweat from the effort of fighting against the enemy of my soul. Tap, tap, tap, shards of remembrance break through, memories of past effort. A tiny voice whispers and I strain to hear it. It does not have to be perfect, just do it.

I tap, tap, tap to drown out the ugly screams of fear as it tries in vain to beat back the flame that threatens to extinguish its presence. Then with racing heart and waning energy I see…the light. I open my eyes wide and drink in the blessed sight of the light gulping it hungrily as one who has wandered in without water in the desert for days on end.

I turn my face toward the warmth as a deep, throaty laugh passes through my parched lips. A tear slips down my cheek and slowly falls to the page, blurring the words that dragged me from the darkness that threatened to silence me forever. I am here and I am thankful.

Have you ever been gripped by discouragement? How did you work your way through?