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Mid-life Crisis Number 122 and What You Can Learn From It

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When I was 29, I had a full on midlife crisis sans the red convertible. I engaged in endless self reflection and mourned that my 20s were gone. I changed my hair and considered jumping from a plane but I was too busy with work to schedule it. I turned 30 and realized I had wasted the real last year of my 20s being stupid. I patted myself on the back for completing yet another milestone ahead of the norm. One midlife crisis down and I could cruise until menopause, or so I thought.

At 46 I seem to have a midlife crisis every week. I often resemble a deer caught in the headlights as I yet again question my purpose, value and my bathroom scale. And yes, even as I write this I am checking the mirror to see if I now have the acne (or worse chin hair of the later years) to accompany my unexplainable teenage like angst. Oh no, what will the cool kids think?

Unlike the teen years, I don’t have to wonder about the cool kids thanks to social media.

Judging from the tweets, updates and emails I could conclude that the cool kids are stress and problem free. But I am not 16 and now know with certainty that no one is perfect.

So what on earth does this have to do with business? A fair question given that this is a very official “business” blog. Social media has a way of distorting reality. Viewing the world through 140 characters or more can lead you to draw conclusions that are riddled with gaps. Even in the age of transparency, it’s impossible to get the whole story in the time and space allotted.

Rather than using social media as a barometer by which you measure your success or failure, use it to ferret out ideas, challenges or insights for deeper exploration. What worked for another business may not work for you but when ideas or approaches resonate it is worth the time to examine them closer.

When possible reach out to those that have presented something of interest and ask if they’d be willing to share more – what were the challenges, what led to the decision about the strategy – get the story behind the story. I have discovered that with the right approach people are willing to be helpful. Be respectful and don’t abuse their time, or cloak your questions as an opportunity to get free services.

As for me, I have decided that my ongoing crisis is actually a good thing. I am constantly questioning and challenging my own beliefs because I care deeply about my life and place in it. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!)

There is an abundance of information available but we still get to choose what we allow in and what we ignore and most importantly how we allow it to impact us. The upside is that every day we have opportunities to expand our perspective and learn from others. Remember the cool kids really are just like us, albeit with better hair.

What about you, any midlife or other stories to share? Does social media ever make you feel overwhelmed or question whether you measure up? Add your comments, this is a no judgment zone.

Photo Credit: © Youths | Dreamstime.com

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Groupon Not Such a Bargain for One Business Owner

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Groupon logo.
Image via Wikipedia

I have been a huge fan of Groupon, a coupon system for local merchants, since I first heard about it last year. The site provides consumers with a way to tap into group bargains without  a group, and local merchants with a way to gain new customers and increase store traffic. Strategically deployed it can enhance visibility for local merchants. One business owner, however, has shared her story of how offering a deal nearly sunk her business.

Cafe owner, Julie Burke used Groupon to offer a deal of $13 of product for $7. More than 1000 consumers bought the deal and the amount of consumers coupled with the failure to account for costs left Burke $8,000 in the red and having to withdraw from personal savings to cover payroll for the month.

According to Burke, she was hesitant about the deal and the revenue share (Groupon would keep 50% of the revenues) but against her husband’s advice decided to do it. Burke does not blame Groupon for her bad experience but shares her experience so that other business owners can learn.

Below are 5 quick takeaways from this business case:

  • Know your cost to provide your product/service. If you  do not have the in-house capability to develop cost data it is worth it to hire an accounting  or financial professional to do this for you. VA Firms or Accounting Agencies can provide you with project based help.
  • Know your capacity. Promotions when successful will result in an influx of business. Do you have the infrastructure, staffing and supplies needed to manage an increase in business.
  • Never let someone else override your instinct about your business. Burke was hesitant to do the deal but moved forward because other trusted businesses had done it successfully. This is a classic lesson. Just because a bigger, higher visibility, or longer established business does something does not mean that it is right for you and your business. Trust your instincts and judgment.
  • If you don’t like the terms, ask for new ones. Burke indicates that she was told that the deals could not be capped. The Groupon CEO indicates that is incorrect. People can be wrong. The sales person may have been new, overly eager to sell a deal, or just misinformed. Even if the sales person has the information correct ask for different terms. If you really want to move forward in a deal, negotiate the sticking points even if means pushing to a higher level.
  • Discount carefully. Discounting to drive traffic seems like a low cost and effective solution but as Burke’s case highlights it may not make sense for every business owner. Discounts may bring in new customers but they may also bring in bargain addicts who will never support your business long term.

To their credit, Groupon’s  CEO left a comment on Burke’s post with an apology, explanation and  promise to “make things right.” Groupon has done a nice job of leveraging social media for marketing and it’s nice to see that they are also actively listening and responding.

I encourage you to read Burke’s account and see what other lessons you gain from her experience. Please do share your insights in the comments so that we can all learn and grow together.

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5 Tips to Instantly Improve Your Communication Skills

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This is the third post in a series on communications in the digital age. You can read Part I and Part II here and here.

I ran across a statistic at the HBR website that drives home the need for being able to communicate well. According to a recent survey of 120 blue-chip American companies poor writing costs businesses $3 billion a year to correct. This is the result of only two-thirds of employees being able to write well.  Is poor communication costing you money? Are you spending time mitigating the fallout from a poorly written email? Are you being perceived as a poor leader because you are unable to convey clear expectations to your team? Have you been passed over for a promotion because of your communication style?

Great communicators rise to the top in corporations. It is a valued skill to be able to articulate ideas, messages and thoughts clearly and succinctly. This translates well in our personal lives as well. How many family disagreements arise from communication failures?

Communication
Image by elycefeliz via Flickr

Communication IQ is comprised of the ability to:
• Clearly convey thoughts and emotions
• Listen actively
• Demonstrate empathy
• Recognize emotions
• Walk the talk
• Use conflict constructively by being solution focused
• Gain respect through ethical and respectful behavior

Source: Effective Communication & Communication IQ | eHow.com

Improving our communication intelligence is not as complex as it may seem. The tips below will help you instantly improve your communication.

  1. Communicate to be understood. You can instantly improve your communication skills by focusing on the listener, rather than broadcasting a message or making a point.
  2. Be attentive to the spaces between the words. We have the ability to say much more than the words we speak or write. If you’re angry, calm down before sending that “professional” email.
  3. Two ears, one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak and you will boost your communication skills overnight.
  4. Match the message to the medium. Save long, layered messages for real interaction. Use email, text and other short form communication for easy to communicate messages, ideas and updates.
  5. Receive with grace. We can avoid communication conflict by managing our own emotional reactions. Rather than respond in kind to a terse email, leave the emotion out of it and respond with grace. Remember that not everyone is a skilled communicator.

Do you have tips to add to the list above? Have you ever been on the receiving end of poor communication? What was the impact and how was it resolved?

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Say What? – Age of Communication Part II

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This is part II of a series on communications in the digital age. If you missed the introduction you can read it here.

As often happens I wrote this series and communication issues rose up around me. In the past several days I have read and heard so much on communication and miscommunication that I could fill volumes. We are communicating more than ever but also misfiring at rapidly increasing rates. The rise of digital combined with multi-generational perspectives have added complex layers to not only the content and methodology of our conversations but how we interpret them.

What is communication?

In my ninth grade English class we were asked to write instructions on how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. We were to write the instructions for someone who was from a foreign country who had never made a PB&J sandwich. Many giggled and called the assignment stupid but with each question the depth of the assignment became clear. The challenge of communication is not simply getting the words right but putting them in the right context and making them accessible to those who may not share our same set of experiences.

Communication: a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior (Merriam Webster Dictionary)

The goal of communication then is obviously to not only be heard (or read) but understood. Note that the definition is not limited to language but includes behavior.

Our capacity to communicate has expanded but our exchange process has transformed. The danger of an over reliance on digital short form communication is the fractured nature of exchanges, the absence of other signs and behavior and the other subtleties that allow us to communicate and be understood in voice to voice and face to face interactions. Language, whether written, spoken or signed is enriched by behaviors that deepen the communication with feeling. Yes, feeling. At the heart of communication lies emotion, even when we communicate facts there is intent to evoke a response that is both intellectual and emotional.

Digital communication does not always strip communication of emotion but there is a greater risk when there are no other signals to validate intent. It is for this reason that I often advise business professionals to address complex issues via phone or face to face rather than email. Far too often I have witnessed an unnecessary and ugly protracted email exchange that could have been resolved in a 10 minute phone call.

The lack of human interaction for some gives them “textual courage” leading them to say things that they would temper in a face-to-face or voice-to-voice exchange.

The solution is not to refrain from digital communications but to become proficient in all forms of communications and that includes choosing the right channels.

Do you have a preferred communication channel (email, text, phone or other)? Have you found that there are times when your preferred channel is not the best channel for communicating?

Please stay tuned for the next post in this series. Your feedback and suggestions are warmly welcomed. If you have specific questions or ideas you’d like to see addressed please let me know.


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The Age of Communication?

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"Kellogg" brand "candle stick&q...
Image via Wikipedia

I had an interesting conversation with a client the other day about etiquette and the art of conversation. Like me he is a baby boomer, fully immersed in current technology yet aware of its shortcomings. We both still write real letters, phone our friends to chat and talk to people minus a blackberry when we are face to face. We use technology and take leadership in driving change but also reflect a generation that is desperate not to lose the personal touch of the past as we march forward into a tech driven world

It is no secret that internet communication and the continuing evolution of tools and platforms that facilitate conversation have changed the way we communicate. In many ways, the changes have been exciting. The ability to communicate with ease across global time zones exposes us to a wider diversity of cultures and traditions. This has also eased the ability for businesses of all sizes to expand internationally.

The internet has expanded everyone’s appetite for information. Not everyone was excited about reading the encyclopedia or spending hours in a library but the world it seems is fully ready to Google anything from anywhere.

All of this should mean that we are more literate than in the past and far savvier at the art of conversation. It should but does it?

Join me this week as I explore the issue, and please share your thoughts in the comments. What do you think of our communication skills? Any personal victories or horror stories to share?

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What Will You Do for Fame?

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walk of fame
Image via Wikipedia

How far would you go to be famous? If offered a shortcut that would catapult you into stardom, would you take it? Would you change the way you act to fit in to the accepted vision of fame? Would you prioritize your friends and family based on their influence? Would you step on a few toes along the way for the greater goal? How far are you willing to go? Would you distance yourself from your old life to achieve fame and fortune? When the spotlight shines on you will you stand in it alone or share it with those who contributed to the journey?

What would you do for fame?

I am willing to bet that a number of you rejected the self serving, ego-driven behaviors implied by the above questions. You may have even shaken your head as you declared, “No way, not me.” If it’s so distasteful why are you doing it now?

Signs that you may be selling out for fame:

  • You only connect with influencers because your time is too valuable
  • You turn down a guest post on a small blog in favor of one with more visibility
  • You quickly wave everyday but would not recognize the security guard at the front desk of your building
  • There is not enough time in the day so you respond to @ replies from important people but ignore the rest
  • A client heaps praise on you but you don’t mention the contributions of your team reasoning that any praise includes them too.
  • You have not been to a single soccer game or school play in months
  • At work you are funny and engaging but so distant from your family they think you moved out of state
  • Wanting to appear sophisticated you accept the glass of expensive wine offered to you, even though you do not drink. You will hold it all night occasionally taking a sip, no one will know.

While the above signs are extreme there are other subtle ways which we make tradeoffs. We may reason that it Is the price we have to pay but over time it can erode your soul.

In business and life we all have our own unique version of fame. For some fame is a title, for others it is recognition, and still others it may be the outward signs of financial success. It is our version of fame that motives and drives us as we move toward our goals. Those daydreams of “stardom” fuel our forward motion and inspire us to grow, learn and create. Nothing wrong with dreaming of stardom but there are checkpoints along the way, decisions that allow us to choose who we are now and who we will become in order to achieve our dream.

You can choose to relentlessly pursue fame at any cost, shoving others aside as you grab the spotlight or you can pursue a version of fame that doesn’t sacrifice your values or the people around you. What will you choose? What will you do for fame?

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