Written by Karen D. Swim
I closed my eyes and visualized the ebb and flow of the ocean. In my mind’s eye I was transported to the familiarity of the Pacific standing at ocean’s edge watching the tide rise and fall. Seagulls flew overhead and the air seemed to rock with the rhythm of the ocean. I breathed deeply as the cool breeze caressed my cheek with its gentle song. I stood firmly in the sand that shifted with each new wave, sinking deeper as I struggled to remain upright.
Opening my eyes, I shook my head and returned to the ebb and flow of my life. The day had started easily enough but then the phone call had come. Hospital…stroke…now recovering….it will be okay. A violent reality followed by words meant to comfort but seemed only to float beyond my reach. The truth of my tenuous relationship with my family, the worry, the questions invaded my thoughts causing my body to feel the weight.
As life threatened to pull me out with the tide, I dug deeper, determined to hold on. The world beneath me shifted but still I stood.
The night meant to bring rest was filled with tossing and turning. Dreams that taunted me to discover their meaning, faces from my past, sadness threatening my peace of mind. My mind determined to overcome, my legs kicking me awake. I lay quietly in the stillness of the night, the air heavy with anxiety.
At 5 am resigned to start the day, I padded from the bed with swollen eyes. Time for a run to clear my head and prepare to fight the battles of the day. Stepping out into the morning air, I was engulfed with warm air that seemed to swirl and hang before sinking into my skin. I stood still as I waited for confirmation that there was at least a bit of morning coolness. I tilted my head and saw the blue sky and fluffy clouds with patches of dark grey. I sighed as I took off. Let it rain, I would survive. I always have.
How do you manage the ebb and flow of life? Care to share? The conversations are always welcomed wherever they take place. 🙂
Karen Swim says
Brett, wisely said, any shake-up in the routine helps us turn to what truly matters and that which we value. Thank you my kilted wonder friend!
Friar, I am so glad your mom is fine! This situation will have a happy outcome too, thank God. As for the other stuff, well HA I’ve got a blog and I’m not afraid to use it. lol!
Ulla, your healing place sounds beautiful! I love cloud watching. It is so calming watching them float across the sky. However, I think I would enjoy much more on a terrace in Denmark. 😉
Joanna, thank you for the compliments on the writing! I used this opportunity to veer from the usual and take a chance with my public writing. I appreciate your encouragement. I love what you said about the shifting perspective. I am going to remember that as it such a lovely truth.
Brad, thank you for the kind words and the Zemanta tip! I started using it and love it. I had planned to drop back in on that post to update you. I’ve done 2 posts so far with it and it rocks! Thank you also for sharing your coping strategies. Prayer always helps as does the support of family (as opposed to”family”) and friends. Thank you Brad!
Karen Swims last blog post..The Ebb and Flow of Life
Brad Shorr says
Wow Karen, you captured the feeling of ebb and flow beautifully. The past can be a heavy burden. You can’t change it, you can’t escape it, all you can do is ride out the storm. When I’m down I seek out family and friends, which always lifts my spirits. Prayer keeps me on an even keel, too. People sometimes equate prayer with asking for things, but I find meditative prayer and prayers of thanksgiving quite powerful.
PS … Nice Zemanta photo!
Brad Shorrs last blog post..Life Is a “House” Episode
Joanna Young says
Karen, what a beautiful piece of writing, even if written about a hard time. I hope you get some peace from writing the words. Please know that you change things for others by writing them.
Like others, spending time in the vastness and beauty of the natural world helps (interesting we’ve highlighted big seas and skies – maybe to shift perspective?)
Being a cat person I’d also have to say I couldn’t have got through the last 10 years without cats!
Take care Karen
Joanna
Joanna Youngs last blog post..Guest Post At The Middle Zone
Ulla Hennig says
@Karen
“The Ebb and Flow of Life” – As everyone here I had them too. And I had a wonderful support by dear friends of mine, who held me, listenend to me and showed that they cared. Last summer I experienced the healing by sitting on the terrace of the summer house in Denmark on my own, just looking up to the sky, watching the clouds go by. It was like meditating – just watching, not thinking, not planning. And it worked.
Ulla Hennigs last blog post..A Tree with Character
Friar says
@Karen
Thanks for the kind words.
Now if only we can always locate that “healing place’ when we most need it, eh?
I can understand about “Family storms”. When my Mom had cancer, I don’t know what was more difficult. The cancer itself…or how my Dad got all angry and stressed, because of the cancer.
But at least THAT story has a happy ending..my Mom’s fine now!
Friars last blog post..Wedding Tips from a Cynical Bachelor
Brett Legree says
Karen,
I know exactly what you mean. I’ve been there. In my case, it’s like they didn’t know what to say, and probably it would have been better had they said nothing at all.
But yes, the peace between storms is nice. That’s when it’s best to work on the things we value most.
-Brett
Brett Legrees last blog post..viking fridays – burn the boats.
Karen Swim says
Friar, I am so sorry for your loss. Ah, that’s a tough one. It’s weird how sometimes a place can prove to be healing. I am glad that you had a healing place, I think for me it’s the ocean too. Any ocean, anywhere.
Brett, I have learned to be especially grateful for the peace between the storms. I know the storms will come because that’s life. In this storm the “family” irritations were more difficult than the event. However, it adds another chapter to my book. 🙂
Melissa, thank you so much for the advice, support and especially e-hugs. 🙂 Hmmm, you know I love dogs and miss having one. I have never had a cat but I like animals and think I would like cats too. Heck, I’m trained in Animal CPR so maybe I would pass the cat test. 🙂
Melissa Donovan says
I know those phone calls. They are jarring and heartbreaking and they definitely put things into perspective (and priority) right quick. When I’m down, I tend to spend a lot (more) time with my animals. They say that touching cats and dogs has proven healing effects and I believe it. I also listen to music and take walks, which helps too. And write. I try to write about the positives and find the silver lining.
Just know that you’re strong and we’re here to listen and share and offer support and e-hugs.
Brett Legree says
It sure isn’t easy sometimes. Though I think the older I get, the better I become at understanding that this is the way – as you say, ebb and flow of life.
As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow. And we are fortunate to be here.
-Brett
Brett Legrees last blog post..viking fridays – burn the boats.
Friar says
@Karen
How do I do it? I unplug, go out in Nature, and try to just listen to nothing.
I can relate to those dreaded phone calls. I had a similar one a few years ago….my Dad suddenly died, just like that, overnight. (He was perfectly healthy, I just spoke to him the night before He had shot 76 on the golf course).
About a year later, I was in a quiet corner of Pukaskwa National Park, sitting on the shores of Lake Superior. Watching the waves crash in a steady rhythm, with the wind blowing and the warm sun.
There was something inherently soothing about that. It was so simple and beautiful and uncomplicated.
It was quite cathartic. I think I did more healing in that one hour sitting there, then I did in the previous 12 months.
I know it doesn’t always work that way. You have to be ready for it. At the time, luckily I was.
Friars last blog post..Wedding Tips from a Cynical Bachelor
Karen Swim says
Brett, my kilted wonder friend, thank you, thank you.
Hugs, Karen
Brett Legree says
Karen,
How I do it, is to remember that we are not alone in this. Together we are strong. Always remember that through the difficult times, you have people out here thinking of you.
Take care,
-Brett
Brett Legrees last blog post..viking fridays – burn the boats.