Image by Kaptain Krispy Kreme via Flickr
When traveling by plane, flight attendants ensure that you know what to do in case of an emergency. If the oxygen mask is released from the ceiling you are instructed to put on your own mask before assisting others around you. If you can’t breathe you can’t help anyone else. We would do well in everyday life to remember this simple lesson.
As we embark upon this theme of giving we must begin with giving to self for you cannot pour from an empty glass. If your own energy, and spirits are depleted you will have nothing to give to those you love. In the hustle and bustle of this month, self-care usually falls at the bottom the list. This is especially true if your or your family have additional stresses such as job loss or illness. However, heightened stress makes self-care even more essential.
Many of us mistake self-interest for selfishness. Self-interest is necessary for your physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Stress and burn out compromise your immune system and decrease your ability to function well. Skipping your yoga class or nightly reading session may feel like the right thing to do but in fact you will find that you are less productive because you have not replenished your own needs.
Listed below are 7 gifts you can give yourself this holiday season.
Time. Family, friends and celebrations are wonderful but we all need time alone. Carve out time daily to relax, restore and replenish. Meditate, knit, take a bubble bath, write poetry, draw, read or take a walk.
The Gift of No. Free yourself from obligations that weigh you down and steal your energy and joy. Give of yourself only to places and people that align with your purpose, things that energize and refresh you.
The Gift of Now. Whatever happened last year, or last month, let it go. The holiday season can be rife with tension and old wounds as we spend time with surly siblings, overbearing in-laws or others with whom we share DNA but nothing else. Resolve to let go of past hurts and live in the moment. Your in-laws are your spouse’s parents and in this moment he or she has the joy of sharing another holiday season with them. Being present and open to the now frees you to fully experience the joy.
Exercise. Movement improves your mental and physical conditioning but at this time of year it may be the first thing you ditch from your to-do list. Exercise will keep your energized and mentally fresh equipping you to manage the demands of the season. Exercise does not have to be a 90 minute sweat session at the gym. Do something that’s fun for you. Go ice skating, sledding, surfing, or just crank up your Ipod and dance yourself silly.
A healthy diet. Nourish your body with foods that satisfy and enhance your health. Over indulging in baked goods and alcohol may satisfy in the moment but often leave you feeling sluggish and heavy. Have the treats in moderation but be good to your body by fueling it with life giving foods.
The Gift of Imperfection. Martha Stewart Syndrome is an epidemic at this time of year. Avoid this dreadful disease of perfectionism by allowing yourself to be imperfect. Lighten up and allow yourself space and time to actually enjoy the season. Your house does not have to resemble a Norman Rockwell portrait and cookies from the bakery will taste just fine.
The Gift of Giving. Yes it’s true, giving back is actually a gift to you. Giving back improves your happiness level. Volunteer to shelve books at the local library, teach literacy, or build homes for the needy. You may choose to volunteer with an organization where you can meet business contacts, or perhaps you are single and want to make a love connection. Having an agenda does not negate the good effects of giving.
Giving to self will not only help you survive the holiday season but thrive in it. In my book that truly is cause for celebration.
How do you balance the demands of this busy season? Please feel free to share your tips, traditions or comments. All discussion is warmly welcomed.
Karen Swim says
Jaden, I am so glad you are making yourself a priority! I’d love to read your piece, please share the link. Making exercise fun definitely makes it less daunting and it’s more energizing. We get so locked into routines and structure and it’s really about movement. Go have some fun and please come back and share the adventures. 🙂
ScreenwritingforHollywood says
This is so true! I have only come to realize this and make my own life a priority in the last few months. It only makes sense that you must be happy within yourself in order to make the people around you happy.
“Skipping your yoga class or nightly reading session”
Oh gosh, you totally called me out.
I very much agree with your list and wrote a similar article for another site, but you tapped into some good points I don’t touch upon…
“gift of now”
What an important thing… just let it go, enjoy the moment, no grudges. Wonderful advice.
And making exercise fun?! I gotta do that so I don’t ‘forget’ the yoga… not that that is not fun, but routines can become daunting.
Janice Cartier says
Oh humming carols is good. Another thing I like to do is surprise someone with a gift of art work. Someone who is totally not expecting it. The more unexpected the better. It’s really fun to do that. It’s really a gift I give myself.
Okay now I have to have some gingerbread…and hum too.
Karen Swim says
Oh Jan, that sounds scrumptious! One holiday I drove by myself to see all the holiday lights and homes decorated. I had the best time! It put me in a great holiday mood and it was fun to look at all the creativity and care that had gone into the decorations. Now if I could have done that in New Orleans and finished it off with Gingerbread, oh my goodness I would have been in heaven! I suddenly feel like humming carols… 🙂
Janice Cartier says
My favorite holiday things are those small moments. One night in early December some years ago, a friend picked me up to go see the holiday lights that had been put up so far. We cruised up St. Charles and down, over to Carollton and Oak Street, the neighborhoods, and then stopped in to have a gingerbread while sitting in the cafe window people watching. The first bite into John Folsom’s fresh gingerbread men is akin to a Proustian experience. The scent alone… The air was just cold enough outside and everyone was bustling, excited. Our coffee was just right. the conversation relaxed. the lights were fu and all held promise of things to come.
I gave gingerbread as gifts for several years after and even now, it is probably up there as one of those very true holiday moments: time with a friend, doing nothing really important, except enjoying each other and our surroundings. Really being there.
Best gift ever.
Karen Swim says
Andrew, I breathed deeply as I read your comment for it sounds so lovely. Living away from the city certainly does lend itself to a less frenzied pace.
What a great point about past victories but I think even the good things can sometimes keep us stuck. Of course we are a sum total of our life experience but we have to be careful that we don’t become like Lot’s wife. Some may feel that the “now” falls short of past victories and positives and that can lead to misery. When we enjoy where we are today and the blessings and gift of this moment we are not measuring it against a standard that is past.
Andrew says
Good, common sense advice on all counts, Karen.
I particularly love your point about time alone. One thing which I find great about living in the countryside and away from the hustle and bustle of city life is the ability to take a simple, one hour country walk or bike ride through the hills or fields. Nothing helps me more to reconnect with god and have some time to just relax in a form of deep meditation.
With respect to your point about the gift of now – I agree with your point about past hurts, but what about past victories or positives? Whilst I agree that it’s always important to move on to new goals, tasks and relationships, I think it is also important to store those past victories and good times very firmly in your mind – they add quality to life in the present in my view.
Karen Swim says
Jamie, you have the wisdom of an old soul. I know that your generous heart and compassionate spirit were hard won. “A frenzied life is not a life well lived.” So true my friend, so true!
Jamie Grove - How Not To Write says
Karen, I love this post.
I think the best thing I can say here is that remember first and foremost that the moment you are living, this very moment, is the only thing you have. What is past is already gone and what you think is the future may never come.
A frenzied life is not a life well lived. It is a life worn through and unloved. This is not the best use of the gift we are given.
Of course, I say this as a person who lives like a madman during the month of December and comes out worse for wear. 🙂
Karen Swim says
@Ulla, the gift of now is one that recently held particular meaning for me. I have been focusing on really giving myself over to the present and it is such a powerful thing. I am wrapping it up with a pretty bow and sharing it with you.
@Brad, I’m glad you’re on the road to recovery and you are so right, when we can’t we realize how much we want to!
@Robert, bubble baths are definitely one of my most favorite things in life. I’m rooting for you and the Mrs. and I know with Mrs. MZM on the case you two will be biking, walking and more.
@Joanna, I know! It’s really so detrimental to our health but we always put ourselves last. Maybe Robyn or Ellen has an answer as to why we’re not hard wired to put on our own masks first…
@Friar, LOL! I was thinking chocolate, chocolate and bubble baths!
Friar says
You forgot TOBLERONE!!!! 😮
Joanna Young says
Great suggestions Karen, thank you.
I wonder though why it is we are so spectacularly bad at taking care of ourselves before we give our all to others?
Robert Hruzek says
Hey, I think I’m about ready for that bubble bath! (Sorry; too much information!)
All of these come easy for me; I’ve been practicing them for quite some time now. Except, er, um, the exercise thing. (Note to self: Quit reading this blog!) (Just kidding, Karen!)
Actually, the Mrs. and I have resolved to go back on that exercise/diet plan. Keep yer fingers crossed!
Brad Shorr says
Sage advice, Karen, and just as applicable in July as in December! Now that I’m getting my health issues fixed, I look forward to being able to exercise again. You know how important something like that is when you have to do without it.
Ulla Hennig says
Karen,
thank you for the post! I think I’ll have it printed and put somewhere where I can read it daily. All seven gifts are wonderful, but I think my favorites are the “gift of time” and the “gift of now”.
Karen Swim says
@Kellye, lol! This year I resolved to be part of the solution for my own sanity too! 🙂 I’m glad I could share the reminder.
Kellye Crane says
Q: How do I balance the demands of this busy season? A: I don’t! 🙂 Thanks so much for this sage advice, which I needed very much to read.