Words For Hire

Business, PR, Marketing, Social Media 586.461.2103

You are here: Home / Inspiration / Help! – Not Just a Beatles Song

Help! – Not Just a Beatles Song

by

HELP

Image by KarolusLinus via Flickr

Written by Karen D. Swim

Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help. *

Last year at Christmas, one of my best friends was going through a rough time. She was going through a divorce, her husband sued her for alimony, she was paying a mortgage and a lease and was recovering from major surgery. Yet, she remained grounded in her faith and characteristically upbeat.

I longed to be there for her but could only offer comfort and friendship by phone. During this time, her family traveled to be with her and her children during the holidays. Her father, stepmother, brother, wife and brand new baby filled the house with love and warmth. I was thankful she was not alone but also knew the financial strain of having guests. She never shared the depth of her problems with her family and while she enjoyed their company she felt horrible for not being able to buy them gifts and prepare a nice holiday meal. Toward the end of their two-week stay she was forced to confess her struggles and her family asked “Why didn’t you ask for help?”

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.*

Last week, James wrote a hard-hitting post about this very subject. It touched a deep chord as I questioned my own prideful determination to handle my problems alone. When my friend shared that she had no money and could not even buy groceries, her family gladly wrote her a check. She was so grateful for the love and help and the reminder that “we have not because we ask not.”

My friend, more sister than friend and is often a mirror of my own weaknesses. We are both tireless cheerleaders happy to lend an ear or hand but seldom asking for one in return. I am here to tell you sometimes the cheerleader needs a rally too. I read James’ post and cried for everyone (including myself) who has suffered in silence too embarrassed or proud to ask for help.

I have gotten better about receiving when offered but asking takes it to a new level that still frankly makes me uncomfortable. I am actively working on change (greatly aided by this big fat public declaration).

I know that right now there may be those reading this with unmet needs. You are not alone. Most people have good hearts and are happy to lend a hand when asked. Yes, there may be those who see you in a different light or a small few who simply will not care. That is their issue and not yours. Many more will gladly step up to the plate with help and solutions, if only you will ask.

But now these days are gone, I’m not so self assured,
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors.*

For those who may not have a need today, I encourage you to reach out to someone you believe may need help. That simple kindness can be the best gift you give this holiday season.

Have you ever suffered in silence? What kept you silent? Please feel free to share your own thoughts, observations, stories or song lyrics. All are welcomed. 🙂

*”Help”, Lyrics by Paul McCartney, John Lennon, Sony /ATV Tunes LLC, Sony Beatles Ltd

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Comments

  1. Karen & Janice:

    Thanks for your kind words and offers of help!

    People have been really good about checking on neighbors and moving the elderly and those without any backup heat/power to homes of friends and relatives or shelters. Schools are closed all week to accommodate displaced people until the power comes back on for the rest of the area (hopefully by the end of the week!).

    And you’re right, Janice! That old bullheaded New England mentality may hamper those who really need help from asking. (I can say that because I was born and raised here.) If only everyone could read Karen’s post!

    Thanks again, ladies, for your support. All we ask for are your prayers and well-wishes. 🙂

  2. Rebecca.
    Is any one able to go around a check to see if those who may not be able to ask or get around or phone are okay?

    It did not make the news, but that’s what we were doing on the ground just after the storm. Climbing over huge trees in the street, and around them. Checking neighbors. Seeing what was what… well until the levees broke.
    Some of those people in the ice storm may have no phones, or way to get that help. And I hear New Englanders are a stubborn sort. 🙂 May not feel it’s right to ask.
    I am with Karen, let us know if there is anything we non New Englanders could possibly do. 😉

  3. Rebecca, I am glad that you are able to communicate. When something like that impacts an entire community or region we are often beautifully reminded that people do still care. Please let us know what those of us outside the region can do to help.

  4. Karen,
    Such a timely post! Here in Massachusetts, communities continue to deal with the aftermath of last week’s ice storm. Many are still without heat and electricity, and many schools and businesses are closed.

    The resources available for those adversely affected are vast, and no one should be too shameful to ask for help to eat, sleep, and stay warm.

  8. Jan, I am glad that Michael reached out and asked for help. His heartfelt need has certainly triggered a wave of self-reflection and change. I agree that it is a natural instinct to help but we stifle it at times with the need to self-protect.

    Kelly, I could not shake James post and it made me think, think, think too. I am still turning this around in my head as I work through my own weaknesses. I hate that too, I love to pretend I’m perfect and all too often the illusion is shattered. 🙂

    Ulla, it’s sad isn’t it? Yet, when we are asked for help we would never want to have the other person feel ashamed, we do our best to help with dignity. You are right though we are surrounded by wonderful people who are too willing to help us be our best selves. 🙂

  9. lol! Robert, I always enjoy your pithy yet profound responses but I’d have to say “ditto too!” Great responses that have me pondering….

  10. Karen and all you others,
    I think Jamie Grove put it absolutely right – shame as a reason for silence. I am guilty of that too, more often than I want to be. But I am learning, and this lovely community here is a good place to learn. Thanks!

  11. Karen,

    Ditto Robert. 🙂

    There has been quite a bit of talk about giving, receiving, and now asking for help lately. Your post on receiving got me thinking about it so hard and it seems I haven’t been able to get away from it since then. My head swims with it.

    I’m thinking, I’m thinking… but I know I’m still a better receiver than a giver. I’ll work on that, really I will…

    Jamie,

    I do the same thing myself. I suspect that anyone who’s written more than a couple of inspirational/ motivational posts has done at least one, in part to kick their own butt.

    I think that kind of writing is one way of getting help—the writing helps, and the comments are very often helpful, too. Not every way of getting help has to involve baring your soul, y’know?

    And examining why you aren’t leading the life you want—that’s a lot better than the alternative, living a life you don’t want and never stopping to question. There can be a lot of good results from a post like that one!

    Regards,

    Kelly

  12. Karen,
    I have so many words and yet not the right ones. Helping or being helped is a natural state of life I think. I believe we get too wrapped up sometimes, and forget that.
    I was happy to lend Michael a hand. Glad he could ask. And that it was something I could actually do. I have yet to recover from what we call the “recent unpleasantness” ( Katrina). It’s just too much, too overwhelming.. .but here was something I could do for Michael who is a good decent guy just needing a little help to the next step.
    We’re all in this together after all. And it is the very spirit of Christmas to me.
    Lovely post. Just lovely.. like you.

  13. Sheesh! I was about to write something pithy yet profound, but luckily I read y’alls comments first! So now I can simply say, “What Andrew, James, Brad, Jamie, and Joanna said!”

    Couldn’t have said it better! 😉

  14. Joanna, as you learned first hand today, I wrote this and then had to eat my own words! You offered help and although I admitted I needed help I “didn’t want to be a burden.” LOL! The writer’s pen turned on her! 🙂 The internet does make it easier as we don’t have the physical connection but I know how much we all treasure these connections. In some ways it’s easy to admit certain things from behind the computer and in other instances it can make us more stork like. Thank you for holding me to my own words. 🙂

  15. Karen, sometimes I think this internet world we inhabit makes it even harder. People like your good self are great at being cheerful, optimistic and encouraging others. It can be hard to sneak out behind that sometimes and say, quietly, ‘hello, I need something too!’

    Thanks for picking up and developing this idea. It adds an important dimension to ‘giving’

  16. Jamie, you are not alone in your guilt. I think that’s why James’ post and Michael Martine’s post that inspired James has resonated throughout cyberspace. I look forward to the post and offering help. 🙂

  17. One common reason for silence is shame. We feel shame because there are things we should “be able to handle” but in fact cannot on our own. This is an element of living to meet the expectations of the expectations, which is always a losing proposition but so very common.

    I know it well because I’m guilty of it myself. In fact, I’m guilty of it this very moment. Yesterday I wrote a pretty post on passion and inspiration and then when it was done I went off to examine why I wasn’t living that life myself. I suppose now I’ll have to post those feelings so as not to wallow in them. 🙂

  18. Brad, I had to go to YouTube and listen to the song again after reading those lyrics. All these years later, they still have such impact. I know that we are not alone which is why James’ post struck such a chord. I’m glad that he brought it out because now we can support one another. I’m known as a pretty tough cookie too, the “go to person” in a crisis but we all need help from time to time.

  20. James, I am so grateful that you wrote the post. Yes, it has had a tremendous impact and I believe you have started yet another movement – one in which we don’t go it alone. Sometimes we read or hear things and then we move on and forget, this is worthy of keeping alive and flourishing. Thank you so much for inspiring us all to action.

  21. Andrew, I once got a new job which was a huge promotion for me in what was then a new industry (managed health care). My first day of work I called my friend (who had referred me for the job and worked in the industry) and asked her “what is it we do here again?” I share that because of course not even fully understanding what we did meant I had a huge learning curve. I learned, and kept getting promoted and I kept asking questions. In the workplace I know that questions also come with “political” ramifications but just think of asking for help as resource efficiency. It saves time and money to get help rather than tough it out alone.

  22. Ah, thank you. This is a wonderful post, and I’m glad that mine had impact on people. I was honestly surprised at the amount of impact and influence it *did* have, and I spent most of the day reading comments thinking, “Wow… this is fantastic.”

    I also thank you for writing this so that it keeps the concept alive – we forget so easily, don’t we.

  23. Karen,

    Asking for help when I am stuck is one area where I feel I have considerable room for improvement in my work life.

    Too often in the past, I have allowed myself to dwell too long on a problem, being afraid to ask others for suggestions, advice or a fresh perspective.

    I feel that I need to develop the discipline of looking at the nature of a problem, thinking about it carefully first in an effort to identify possible approaches, and then seeking help when I really get stuck.

    It’s that last part, seeking help when I get stuck, that I feel is the area in which I have room for improvement.