Written by Karen D. Swim
I could not see her face but the anxiety and confusion in her voice provided a visual image that made me wince with recognition. “I don’t understand it. I have given keynotes to a room filled with hundreds of people. My training programs have consistently received excellent feedback. I know that I’m good at what I do but for some reason I just can’t seem to promote myself.”
I nodded as my fingers gripped the phone. My client had successfully run her own business for more than a decade. She was known in her industry for her results. She had been published extensively in respected industry journals. Her knowledge and expertise were unquestionable, but like so many others, she had difficulty selling herself.
Her words could have been mine. I had only recently found my own breakthrough with this problem. I am not sure if misery loves company but as I struggled to free myself I found no shortage of smart professionals facing the same brick wall.
This is not a problem confined to gender, culture, geography or even age group. The fear or discomfort of self-promotion affects business owners, employees, executives and freelancers – in other words, anyone and everyone.
In Guerilla Self Promotion, Dave Jensen ( 10 OCTOBER 1997, SCIENCE’S NEXT WAVE http://nextwave.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/full/1998/03/29/207) shares the following definition of self-promotion from behavioral scientist George W. Dudley:
“The fear of self promotion consists of all behavioral habits, thoughts, actions, or feelings, which conspire to keep competent people of all walks of life from being able to stand up and take credit for who they are and what they do well.”
So, why is it so hard for competent people to promote their expertise to others? A few of the common reasons I discovered:
- Fear of Rejection
- Fear that you will appear arrogant
- Lack of Confidence
- Fear of isolating others with self-promotion
- Fear of Success
- Dislike of sales tactics
- Taught to value modesty / humility
- Uncomfortable in spotlight
The root of these reasons will vary individually but all can be traced to attaching an emotional connection to the promotion process.
This week we’ll take a closer look at our discomfort. We’ll pull out our deep rooted angst, and remove its power. I will also share tactics that will help you overcome your fear and become your own best sales person without compromising your values or integrity.
Have you ever struggled with fear of self-promotion? How did you overcome it? We’ll be discussing the topic all week.
If you have specific questions or issues you would like to see covered, let me know in the comments or by email at karenswim at gmail dot com.
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Ms. Swim, “Learn to Love Self-promotion” is extraordinarily timely. The comments from your readers are thoughtful, instructive and clearly representative of the scope and depth of what the fear of self-promotion is and what it does. The ruminations of otherwise talented and capable people who often resign themselves in doubt and confusion to settle for the financial crumbs left over by natural self-promoters (some, according to our research, ethically challenged) represent as consise a summarization of the fear of self-promtion and its’ attendant costs as I have seen. My colleagues and I have specialized in the on-going scientific study of this problem since the early 1970’s. As scientists, perhaps we forget sometimes that the fear of self-promotion (which is a term by the way, that our research popularized) is something that is lived and struggled with as visibility management has become an important element in modern career management ( whether we like it or not.) Personally, I don’t like it, having been raised to believe that good work speaks for itself. But, that’s drifting…
Thank you for your reminding us about the fear of self-promotion as it is lived and to your readers for their thoughtful and candid contributions.
George W. Dudley, Board Chairman, Behavioral Sciences Research Press, co-author, The Psychology of Sales Call Reluctance, principle author, The Hard Truth About Soft Selling
Hi Ellen, thank you so much for the comment. I’m sure that many others reading will gain value from your insights. In answer to your questions, yes you can promote your own value and skills without sounding like a disgruntled worker. From the circumstances you describe, I gather that you are an innovative problem solver with the ability to use available resources to do what it takes to get the job done. It also sounds as if you are not focused on a narrow definition of your responsibilities but take initiative to learn new skills and make contributions that attain the company’s objectives. If you would like some one on one help translating your value in positive terms, don’t hesitate to reach out to me via phone (800) 648-5158 or email karenswim at gmail dot com.
Whenever I see self-help articles about how to self-promote, I find that they don’t take real-world considerations into account. My current job consists mainly of an eternal struggle to make things happen in a high-pressure, high-responsibility atmosphere using outdated software and poorly designed workflows in a chronically underfunded, understaffed department. I prevent disaster in a bad environment; that’s about all. None of the work I produce is anything I’m particularly proud of because I know it could be so much better with the proper funding and equipment. So all I have to market are my reliability, my problem-solving ability and my ability to bang rocks together. How on earth do you promote THAT skill set without sounding like a whiner, troublemaker or ungrateful employee? I can’t point out what a valuable employee I am unless I also say bad (but true) things about the environment I work in.
What am I supposed to put on my resume here? “High ability to correct sloppy mistakes at 5 a.m. made by people paid more than me”? “Responsible for keeping together butt-ugly website with no formal training in code but just with skills I picked up during various emergencies along the way”? Those don’t sound quite right to include on a resume.
Do you offer “remote mind-block clearing” sessions? :))
I would apply for one 🙂
And yes, you are so right. Have to learn it – and one thing is sure I will never ever tell a kid to “know your place” and “you don’t want you only would like”.
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@Brad, I’m not at all surprised because you’re a nice person. Nice people seem to have the hardest struggle. 🙂 You also validate my own experience, a sales/marketing professional with no problem doing it for others. Perhaps the new phrase will be “salesperson, heal thyself!. ”
@Alina, we are so much harder on ourselves than others. One of the things we’ll discuss this week is where we draw those lines between self-promotion and arrogance. It is an important distinction that will help us to overcome our fear.
@Ulla, you are not alone! I applaud you for working on it and so many of us were brought up with that same concept of humility. It feels a little strange or self serving when we talk about ourselves but in today’s world it is very necessary. I hope you can pop in this week, I look forward to your insights!
Karen,
I am struggling with fear of self-promotion. It’s #2, #3 and #7 what I am fighting against. But I am working on it, and I am very much looking forward to hear more about it from you. I think it also has to do with the way I have been brought up – modesty and humility were values taught to me by my parents and are now rooted somewhere down my system as deep beliefs.
Ulla Hennig´s last blog post..Animal in Town: The Beech Marten
Karen, I have to say I’ve struggled with this a few times. What’s weird is that what I’d consider arrogant in myself, I wouldn’t in others. So it’s definitely a problem. It is indeed fear, fear other would think I’m overestimating myself, especially since there’s a common prejudice about age and experience going around the business world. But you are right, it needs to be dealt with 🙂
Alina Popescu´s last blog post..Monday Reading Roundup Take #22
Karen, Just what the doctor ordered. I have problems with self promotion, mainly for reasons 2, 4, and 6. Yet, I know self promotion is incredibly important. Thank you for addressing the topic. Can’t wait to read more.
Brad Shorr´s last blog post..Is Your Company Ready for Social Media Marketing?