This is Part II of my story. If you missed Part I, you can read it here.
Psychologists and grief counselors recommend not making any major life changes in the first year following a loss. I made it one month. I packed up my home in a weekend, rented a monster moving truck (seriously the thing was like a meat packing truck) and drove myself to Michigan. Along the way I prayed for all others on the road occasionally yelling warnings to move out of the crazy lady’s way. One of my best friends was moving too (her husband’s job relocated) and I drove our collective belongs and furniture while she wisely flew on a plan.
I needed time to heal but also needed money so I took a non-management position with a clinical laboratory. By week four, I was on my third boss and second reorganization. Yea, this was going to be fun. I committed to myself to stick it out one year, and I made it barely.
So what was a now 40 year old widow in a new city going to do? Well, start a business of course! . I went to the library and checked out bundles of book. I filled notebooks with ideas and plans. I researched, studied and soaked up knowledge from seasoned business owners.
I wrote a business plan and took it to the Small Business Administration (SBA). I had decided I would start a pet sitting business and even got my animal CPR certification.
On one trip to the library, I stumbled across a book about starting a writing business. I honestly had not considered that I could combine writing and business. I had always loved writing and dreamed of writing a book, but a writing business? Armed with this knowledge, I quickly changed course and made a new business plan. I used a DIY website and created a web presence one Friday and by that afternoon had my first client.
So, why this story and why now? As we enter the fourth quarter of a year that has been filled with change, many of you are considering your own reinvention. You may be feeling the need to stretch yourself or completely change course. Perhaps your friends and family are warning you that now is not the time for risk or maybe YOU are allowing fear to hold you back.
I am sharing my story so that you will know that it is possible to not only survive your challenges but thrive!
To help you in your own reinvention, allow me to share 5 Things that I learned:
- Accept that life is different. It is so easy to get stuck mourning what is gone and cannot be resurrected. A major life change is exactly that, a change. Do not waste time wishing for what you can no longer have. Cherish that time in your heart and keep moving forward.
- Build on your foundation. Change is not a loss of all you’ve collected along the way. I had never been a professional writer but I had deep expertise in business, healthcare and marketing. I used what I knew as I learned what I did not.
- Accept that your new chapter is NEW! Do not compare your new job, life, etc to your old one. Embrace where you are right now and create your new life in the moment.
- Know that life changes. We make small reinventions almost daily because life is not static. I only wish that we each had a fixed allotment of challenges in life, because surely I would be done!
- Decide to be happy. No matter what life deals you, you are completely in charge of your reaction. I will never forget when a friend asked me if I was happy living in Michigan. The question struck me as odd. Of course I was happy because I chose happiness every day. It did not matter where I lived, I would bloom where planted because that was my choice.
I did not choose the circumstances that brought me to the here and now but I always knew I had a choice. I could choose victim or victor at every turn. I was not forced into reinvention I chose it!
Are you facing change in your own life? What are you finding the most challenging?
Karen Swim says
Awww Wendee, mahalo dear one! 😉
Wendee says
You rock, Karen. Thank you for sharing your storing and fueling us with inspiration and encouragement!
Karen Swim says
Fred, thank you my friend. I have also been helped by those who have walked a path before me, it is the good that comes from challenge that we can then share from our experience to help someone along. I am only too happy to stand at the end of the tunnel beaming the light encouraging others that the darkness does end.
Fred H Schlegel says
Beautifully put. Beautifully inspirational. The knowledge that others thrive through hard times can be a shining light to those still muddling through. Thank you for sharing.
.-= Fred H Schlegel´s last blog ..Biomutualism, Breaking Down Silos, and Finding Inspiration =-.
Andy Bailey says
testing meryl’s blog url and choosing 3rd post down for comluv and commentluv testing
.-= Andy Bailey´s last blog ..Watch What You Blog, Post and Tweet Online =-.
Karen Swim says
Jan, we should compare notes! You know what really helped me was acting like a tourist. I kept a folder of fun things to do. I clipped articles, printed best of lists and then once per week visited one new place. As a result of exploring, I found places that fit me and learned the parts of town that really appealed to me. It led to some fun adventures.
Karen Swim says
Barbara, I always love your parenting stories and it’s so clear your kids have an awesome mom! I know that parents would love it if they could spare their children from ever having painful challenges, but your words remind that the most loving thing you can do is simply prepare them to respond when faced with the tough things in life. I am hugging you (but not in a creepy way) for being such a loving mom and caring person…who also rocks a long and short sales page like no one else! 🙂
Karen Swim says
Clare, lol, sorry for the tears! 🙂 I never thought of my name that way, I like it! I shall now shamelessly steal it and use it as my tagline. 🙂
Karen Swim says
Brad, your words, “what is done is done” are truly wise. I always think of Lot’s wife, her inability to let go caused her to miss out on what was ahead. We’re human we sometimes forget, and lucky for us we don’t get turned into pillars of salt!
Karen Swim says
Meryl, especially tough for my mother-in-law who lost her oldest (my hubby) and youngest son in the same year. I would not with that pain on anyone. I hope that things work out for your son, saying some prayers. A mountain is a mountain and no matter how large or small still needs to be navigated. If you ever want to talk, vent or scream you know where to type me. 🙂
Janice Cartier says
Karen,
I literally am tearing page from YOUR book as I copy these 5 points into my journal as reminders. What were some of the first things you did on a personal level to find your niche in your new city?
.-= Janice Cartier´s last blog ..A River Of Paint =-.
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach says
Oh what a fantastic post! I really love this part:
“Decide to be happy. No matter what life deals you, you are completely in charge of your reaction.”
This is something i’m trying to instill in my children – you actively CHOOSE and OWN your reactions. It’s one of the most valuable lessons I can imagine them learning.
Thanks for sharing!
.-= Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach´s last blog ..How To Make and Write An Ebook From Scratch Tutorial =-.
Clare Lynch says
Ms Swim, it seems to me you have a perfectly apt name. Many of us would have sunk or drowned going through what you went through. You chose to swim – brava!
You’re an inspiration to us all (though I do feel I should tell you off for bringing a tear to my eye two days on the run . . .)
.-= Clare Lynch´s last blog ..Another 30 words and phrases you should stop using right now =-.
Brad Shorr says
Karen, Reading your story is fascinating and inspiring. Having gone through a few convulsive changes in my own life, I can relate a little bit anyway to what it must have been like for you. Your point about not comparing to the past is so important. We have a lot of control over what happens in the present moment, and some influence on the future, but the past – what’s done is done. If you live in the past you just can’t have a present or a future.
.-= Brad Shorr´s last blog ..WordPress Thesis Ideal for DIY SEO =-.
Meryl K Evans says
Karen, I can’t believe how you and your husband’s family were hit with big losses. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Know that you’re a wonderful and strong person. Some people would have a long-time pity party, but not you. You kept truckin’ and found something you love. Not many people can do that.
I’m grateful to have a strong family. I do have one kid that has issues and is going through a big change this school year (different elementary school). If he needs to stay in the program, he’ll be at yet another new school (middle school) where no one from either of his two elementary schools feed into.
But that’s minor compared to the incredible stories I’ve read this week (yours, someone whose son has Celiac Disease and a family whose son had Trisomy 13).
Count on me to be here to listen and support you. I’m lucky to know you and call you friend.
.-= Meryl K Evans´s last blog ..Link: School’s On! 2009 Edition =-.
Lillie Ammann says
Karen,
Again, you have inspired and uplifted me and made me stand in awe of your incredible attitude.
.-= Lillie Ammann´s last blog ..New Voices: Contest for Young Writers Underway =-.
Karen Swim says
Hi Conor, I really appreciate your words. The time of self reflection is the challenging bit isn’t it? However, your attitude is wonderful, you’re choosing to allow that time to face the big questions and already see the adventure in it all. You are already touching lives and making impact and no doubt you will do even greater things. If you ever get stuck and need a friend who is rooting for your success to listen, I’m here.
Conor says
Hey Karen,
Such uplifting words. Your passion and drive really strike a beautiful chord 🙂
I’m facing change, big questions on what I really can give to this world, what kind of legacy I want to leave, how I can help the most people with the gifts I have been given.
I have a feeling this self reflection will lead me down many paths and to many places in the coming years, and I will embrace every experience with a smile.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are giving this world an incredible gift.
Conor