failure | Words For Hire

Coming Soon to Theaters Near You

April 2, 2009 by Karen Swim

Written by Karen D. Swim

“First of all, I choose the great [roles], and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don’t come, I choose the ones that pay the rent.”–Michael Caine

When an actor auditions for a role they are often given a scene to play. The tiny slice of dialogue taken from the entire story may cause the actor to ask, “What’s my motivation?” As things change around us we may feel as though an unseen director has handed us a new part. Thrust into a role with which we are unfamiliar with nothing to guide us we long to know, why we are here and what’s driving our character.

I felt this way for much of March. What had worked before was no longer the solution. I tried out for different roles and very often did not get the part. At the end of the month I found myself longing for that invisible director to call “CUT!” already and put an end to my awful performance. Where were the stage directions? Where was the background? Who was I supposed to be and why was I here? If it were up to me, I would write new dialogue and cast someone else in the part. It was then I realized…it was up to me.

We do not always have creative control over the entire story of our life, and while that may sometimes be frustrating, it is a good thing. (Seriously, think about some of the boneheaded decisions you would have made if you had complete control over everything.) However, we can take the scene and create our own motivation. We can improvise dialogue, change the direction and make the part our own.

I not only decided to own the part but take full producing credit. My motivation is living the life I want to have without fear or apology. It means that I will take the stage each day and give the performance of my life even if no one else is in the audience. I will take risks and be ready to own the good and bad reviews. I will not use a stage name because I want people to know the real me.

What’s my motivation? I am. To live my life to the fullest and own my purpose and potential means refusing to be an extra in the scene of my life. I don’t have to audition, the part is mine and the time has come to deliver or go home.

So here I am finding my motivation and stepping to the stage. Rehearsals are open door and performances are free, so come on in, grab a seat and enjoy.

Have you ever struggled to find your own motivation? What actions did you take?

“Life’s like a play; it’s not the length but the excellence of the acting that matters.” — Seneca

When Loving You is Wrong

February 9, 2009 by Karen Swim

Written by Karen D. Swim

Image by Essjay is happy in NZ via Flickr

“Give me ten more,” the trainer said. The woman eyed him with defiance, “That’s enough, I’m tired.” I watched with mild curiosity as trainer and client engaged in the proverbial standoff. He with a tinge of weariness responded, “You can do ten more. If you want to lose the weight you have to learn to push yourself.” She rolled her eyes, dug in her heels and argued. I briefly caught the trainer’s eye and we exchanged a look of understanding. It is hard to help someone change when they are addicted to being right.

The woman was morbidly obese, so clearly her way was not working for her. Yet, when faced with expert help, she rejected it in favor of her opinion. Like any addict, the first step is admitting you have a problem.

You want to lose weight but you disagree with all the nutrition and exercise advice offered to you. You have been laid off and hire someone to write your resume but argue with them over every comma and period. You have started a business but pooh pooh the advice from long term business owners on marketing.

However, you’re not difficult. You have to be true to yourself. You know what works best for you. So tell me, how’s that working out for you?

Have you been able to succeed by continuing to do it your way? The truth is you’re afraid – afraid to admit your weakness, afraid of failing, afraid of succeeding. Your fear has you locked in your comfort zone of defeat.

I get it, I really do. If you take the expert advice and still fail, what does it say about you? Your inner critic is telling you that it marks you with a scarlet letter as a bozo who could not make it work. Tell your inner critic to tak e a hike, because he/she is wrong. It says that you are a person who desires change and is willing to seek out help to achieve it.

Consider this, you have nothing to lose. You are not giving up success for potential failure. You are letting go of failure for a potential solution. You took one step by asking for help, now take one more by accepting it. The choice is yours. Hang on to your excuses as you tumble down the cliff or grab hold of the rope and begin the journey upward.

Have you ever found yourself needing help but resisting change? How were you able to finally break through? Questions, comments and feedback are warmly welcomed as we all learn and support one another.

Making MERRY from Failures

June 24, 2008 by Karen Swim

Written by Karen D. Swim

Are you familiar with the sound effects that accompany total failure? It sounds a little like this…did you hear it? Exactly, it is so silent you can hear dust move across the floor.

Public failure can be especially difficult. There is no covering it up when you blow it while others are watching. Yet, it’s not often humiliation that stings the most, it is our own heartbreak when our results don’t live up to our expectations. The reel of negative self talk plays in a never ending loop. My MERRY tips have helped me to hit the pause button on the torture tape and move on.

Mourn the Loss. Yes, it is a loss! To deny what you feel only prolongs it. I give myself a specific time period to mourn the loss. I find that 6 1/2 minutes works magic. I can cry, brood and feel sucky and then it’s time to move on.
Examine your Expectations. Were your expectations realistic? There’s a fine balance between aiming high and setting yourself up for utter disappointment. The balance lies in managing your expectations. Aim for the moon, but if you land in the stars, celebrate your accomplishment rather than mourn your failure.
Re-evaluate your motive. If you launched a product to make a zillion dollars, land on Oprah and party like Diddy with no thought of the end user and their benefit, well your profits may fall short of expectations. Yes you rock, but you must rock with purpose.
Roll up your sleeves and learn. Failure teaches us tremendous lessons if you’re willing to learn them. Perhaps the results fell short of expectations but there is much to be gained from the experience. Be willing to honestly examine your process, preparation and attitude. Take notes and use what you’ve learned to continue to move forward.
You’re not done yet! So you bombed, it’s not the end of the world. I can prove it, you’re here reading this post aren’t you?

So there you have it my MERRY tips for recovering from failure. How do you move on when something has not gone quite as expected? Share your thoughts in the comments.