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Written by Karen D. Swim
I awakened in the middle of the night, my cheeks wet with tears. I wiped away the tears and felt the crushing weight of grief. The grief was, however not mine but Nikki’s. Ah Nikki, so that’s her name! I had toyed with other names but last night she emphatically declared that Nikki would be her name.
All week I have pushed away my fears and anxieites about National Novel Writing Month. Yesterday, realizing that I was two days away, my characters fought to be given life. They are demaning that I get to know them so that I may tell their stories.
Nikki made me feel her loss at a time of day when I could not push her away and tend to other business. She tapped an old experience and forced my heart to feel her pain. My challenge is to tell her story so that you feel it too.
For years I have written for others. I have cloaked myself in their words and adopted their voices. I have written their words uncredited, a shadow in the background as they made the rounds as published author. I enjoyed birthing their vision. When my part was done, I silently retreated ready for my next role and costume change.
I had my own stories but feared I had lost my own voice. I reasoned there was no time for the foolish dreams of writing a book. I had to earn a living. I had responsibilities. There was always someone needing something from me. Where would I find the time?
For the month of November, I will selfishly carve out time every day to write my words and tell my story. I am both terrified and exhilarated. I am gripped with doubts daily – what if I run out of words, what if I really suck, what if the story is no good, what if the story is good and I can’t tell it. Today, on the eve of my writing challenge I lay those doubts to rest. I am committed to this time of focusing on my voice and my words. I am less concerned about the end result than I am with simply showing up for me everyday.
I may not have a best selling novel at the end of November but I am certain that I will have a better me. The draft of my story as a writer will have more words, more experiences and I’m sure growth.
Today, as much of the world dresses up in costume and engages in treats and trickery, I am chasing away the ghosts and gremlins that yell “Boo” in the night. My treat is not a sugary confection wrapped in pretty paper but the knowledge that I am taking on a challenge not because I have to but simply because I want to do it..just for me.
We all have those things that we want to do, right? The list of longed for goals that we tuck in a drawer rationalizing them away as silly fantasies or fun dreams that maybe, could, will happen someday. Today, give yourself a treat. Pull out that list and make time for one thing for yourself. They are only silly someday dreams when they are “out there” in the ether unattended to and undone. Chase away your own ghosts and goblins and take action on your behalf. Life does not have to be one long serious pursuit. Your desires and dreams are not silly, they are important because they are uniquely yours.
So, how about it, will you join me in treating yourself? Trick or treat? What’s your choice?
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome says
Karen:
You make me blush, seriously!
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndromes last blog post..Happiness or Money: What I Did in an Either/Or Situation
Jeanne Dininni says
This is beautiful, Karen! Thank you!
Jeanne
Karen Swim says
Alex, yay! I am celebrating with you! We’re here for you too! You have helped many of us get unstuck and passionately pursue our dreams. I for one am all too happy to support you as you pursue your own! Go Alex!!! 🙂
Karen Swim says
Hi Andrew, thank you, thank you, thank you. The first three days have been such a gift. I can only imagine what twists and turns lie ahead. 🙂
Karen Swim says
Bonjour Nadine! Thanks so much, it feels so good!! Even if I completely screw it up, I am really enjoying the process! 🙂
Karen Swim says
Hey Jamie! So far, so good! I have hit your recommended word count every day! Your tips have really helped. What a ride so far! Hey,checked your word count yesterday and you are smoking! Whoo hoo!
Karen Swim says
Lillie, your own accomplishments have been such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing and supporting. You are such a beautiful soul!
Karen Swim says
Evelyn, your words are so true. I suppose that is the real lesson, to let go of fear and just write. When the day comes that you write that book, I shall be standing in line to purchase it!
Karen Swim says
Kelly, thanks for those words! So far, so good, harder than I thought and oh so much better than imagined! 🙂
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome says
Yay Karen! I’ve had a novel outlined and prepped for over a year (meant to write it for last year’s NaNoWriMo but got sidetracked by my settling into Spain). The fear involved in starting a project that I’ve been living with for 18 months was HUGE, but then on Saturday I started and I now have 5000 words written and I’m loving it.
Good luck and we’re all here to support you!
Cheers,
Alex
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndromes last blog post..Destuckifying Your Life: Havi Brooks Interview
Andrew says
Karen,
Again, good luck with the book.
I hope it is a wonderful process of further self discovery and personal growth for you, as well as being a satisfying and rewarding experience in itself.
Andrews last blog post..Wal-Mart and the lessons from Nike
Nadine Touzet says
Hi Karen, you definitely want to do that. I know the feeling, always working with other people’s words. So… go Girl!
Nadine Touzets last blog post..Twitter Updates for 2008-11-01
Jamie Grove - How Not To Write says
Yay! Hope you had a great start today, Karen!!! 🙂
Jamie Grove – How Not To Writes last blog post..The Month Ahead
Lillie Ammann says
Karen,
Your words are always beautiful and touch our hearts and souls. I can’t wait to read your novel!
Evelyn Lim says
Wonderful!! Go for it, Karen!! I was told that there is a book in all of us. Fear can hold us back. We tend to procrastinate and give ourselves plenty of excuses about not starting. There’ll come a day too when I’d sit down and commit myself to writing my own.
Evelyn Lims last blog post..Trick Or Treat?
Kelly says
Karen,
That’s just about the best summary of what writing gives to the writer, ever. I wish I said it. Lovely.
Congratulations on doing NaNoWriMo. I hope you get everything you hope for out of the experience!
Regards,
Kelly
Kellys last blog post..Inspiration Points: Maximum United Experience
Karen Swim says
Hey Robert! Well Bubba when the time is right I know Mrs. MZM would support you and you’ll have lots of friends ready to buddy up and cheer you on! Thanks for cheering me on, I (gulp) reckon I’ll need lots of support (and coffee) throughout the month!
Hi Joanna! I am grinning from ear to ear! Your words are going to keep me going all month and beyond! I’ll simply think of doing well to make you proud! xo
Ulla, I will be sure to share! I am very excited to see where the month leads. I look forward to your book one day too. Your beautiful photography and words would make a wonderful book and a wonderful gift idea!
Deb, I am so glad I could add m nudge to Joanna’s! I know that her post today was what I needed too! Joanna recommended a book which has now become one of my favorites, On Writing by Stephen King. His down to earth advice was very helpful. One thing he said that has stuck with me is to tell the story to yourself first, without worrying about the audience. Try it, it definitely works!
Deb Frawley says
Karen, Thank you for this inspiration. When I attempt to write or blog I feel tongue tied, I want to be able to just be me but I’m always worried about what that audience will be looking for, so instead for the most part I’ve remained silent.
To change this I’m going to start keeping a nightly journal and hope this will help me to free up my words…I always have alot to say but never know how to get it down on paper! This is all came about because of a marketing plan I’m starting Nov 1st using the Get clients Now marketing program.
Your post just gave me that added “nudge” that says I can do this….Thank you!
Ulla Hennig says
Karen,
what a wonderful decision you’ve made! I also would like to follow your progress (and of course read the book).
Ulla Hennigs last blog post..Checkpoint Charlie
Joanna Young says
Karen, what a wonderful piece and an even better decision! I can’t wait to follow your progress… and to read your book when it hits the best seller list 🙂
Robert Hruzek says
Hey, that’s wonderful, Karen! I’ve toyed with the idea of participating in Nano, but can never find the time. (I know, I know…) But I know you can do it, and I’m behind ya all the way!
So lemme just say to ya: Go for it, Bubba! (Or in your case, that’s Bubbette?)
Karen Swim says
Hi Brad! Treats sound really good! I don’t eat candy but I can still appreciate the goodness!
Hi Wendi! Go for it! When you break the word count down daily, it’s not that much time. I finally decided to take the plunge because my way was not working. I wasn’t writing daily or even weekly. Unfortunately, thinking about my book was not getting me any closer to the goal. Sharing it with others also makes it seem like a fun experience. I’m not so focused on “OMG I’m writing a book!” It makes it less intimidating somehow. What is the worse thing that could happen if you participate? Come on you should totally do it! 🙂
Wendi Kelly-Life's Little Inspirations says
Good for you Karen! I too have been Wrestling with this NaNoWriMo decision and sanity tell me that the thing to do is pass. My heart tells me what the heck…go for it..I spend enought time a day reading blogs to do it….if I give that up for ONE month, I could get it done.
so….
I’l let you know….
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirationss last blog post..High Flying Faith
Brad Shorr says
Hi Karen, this is treat day for sure. Don’t you love to remember the smell of a bagful of candy after a night of trick or treating? Yes, this is the day for self indulgence!
Brad Shorrs last blog post..The Cure for Our Economy