Change is a funny thing. As fervently as we embrace it we seem also to have a natural resistance to it. It’s scary, yet exciting; we need the new yet often cling to the familiar. If each of us possesses this natural love/hate relationship with change, imagine how it impacts the people in our lives.
Change very often makes the people around us uncomfortable. The overweight spouse who embarks on a health overhaul, the needy sibling who begins to take charge of their life, the quiet colleague that becomes bold about contributing ideas and standing up to peers. All of these changes can provoke chaos in the surrounding environment.
While you may be embracing change as growth and forward momentum, those around you may see it as a threat to their position or relationship with you. Ultimately, it’s not your change they are really resisting but how that change will affect them. They respond by trying to defend against the “attack” to protect their own comfort zone.
Those who fear change may unintentionally sabotage your growth. That resistance can sometimes derail your good intentions.
In business, I have personally watched leaders hindered in their growth by the fans that surrounded them. New ideas and behaviors were shot down in an effort to “protect” the leader from making mistakes. The leaders remained stuck in patterns that no longer worked encouraged by loyalists who were afraid that change would leave no room for them.
So, how do you balance the complexity of change without alienating everyone around you?
Acknowledge that not everyone will grab their pom poms and cheer the new you. Change is hard! Be sensitive, but firm in your desire to grow. As I pondered these thoughts on Facebook this week I noted that there are those who may be left behind. I was struck by the very wise words of Kevin Buck which sums it up beautifully:
“As you walk with integrity and a prophetic voice, the community you attract shifts with your transformation.”
Yes, you may lose some people along the way but your transformation will attract new people who will be aligned with who you are and more importantly who you are becoming.
When the resistance is from loved ones, reassure them of their place in your life. People that love you will come around in their own time and in their own way.
The important thing is to be true to yourself and your calling. While our human nature may resist change, without it we will wither and die.
Have you ever encountered resistance to change? How did you handle it?
Karen Swim says
Alina, this has definitely been a year of change for you but from the sidelines, I have watched you manage it with grace and joy. However, you’re right, change even when we initiate it and it’s good, can be exhausting! I have found that a period of rests helps to settle into those changes and fully enjoy the transformation. 🙂
Karen Swim says
Annie, I have a feeling that your hubby definitely knows that he is loved and cherished, as he cheers you on and supports your change. 🙂 Having gone down that road with a loving spouse, the journey is amazing Annie. Count me in as part of the cheering section!
Alina Popescu says
Great post, Karen! I have to admit that this year has been one of great changes for me. Almost all aspects of my life have changed ever since April, and although most of the changes were either my decision or happened without my control, it was all for the better. Yet the amount of things happening took its toll on both me and those around me. I’d like to say I have a success recipe, but i’m still kind of adjusting. I could say your post came at exactly the right time 🙂
.-= Alina Popescu´s last blog ..Blog + Twitter = Dream Team | Guest Post on Blogsessive.com =-.
Annie says
This was a beautiful reminder for me. I am changing as I venture into a healthy way of living. I have been so excited and concentrated on the positive changes occurring that I have forgotten that those around me, especially my hubby, need to know they are still loved and important in my life. Thank you for this post. Loved it…now have to reassure my hubby he is not forgotten 🙂
.-= Annie´s last blog ..Simply ‘J’ =-.
Karen Swim says
Meryl, doing it your way is your USP and you are rocking it! 😉 I like your corporate example because it perfectly mirrors what is happening in companies all the time. Some resistance is healthy, it forces us to examine our ideas and strengthen our proposition but fear based resistance is what leads, in my opinion, to all the unnecessary political roadblocks in corporate.
Karen Swim says
Fred, ooh GREAT point! Enablers are the hidden danger. That would make a great exploratory post. We don’t talk much about that outside of addiction but it’s just as easy to be addicted to comfortable, safe and validation, isn’t it?
Karen Swim says
Hi Heather! Well said! Being stagnant in business can get you left behind pretty fast.
Meryl K Evans says
Change lets us know we’re alive and kicking. It shakes up status quo and day to day stuff. Like Brad said — change is harder in a corporate environment. I worked on a team that worked with the capability maturity model. It met a lot of resistance in the beginning, but became a standard a few years later.
That’s what I love about being in my own business. No politics. No fear of proposing something different. Clients hire me to share my experience and expertise. Sometimes they implement it. Sometimes they don’t.
Change prevents boredom. That’s why I won’t pick a single niche like some writers. While it can be a unique selling point (USP), it’d strangle me. Since I can make a living this way — might as well as do it they way I like it. Uh-huh!
Thanks for the great reflection, Karen.
.-= Meryl K Evans´s last blog ..How Muscle Memory Affects Writing =-.
Fred H Schlegel says
Well said Karen. Sometimes more devious that the resister are those pesky ‘enablers’ who don’t fight you on changing but make standing still just seem more attractive. They’re with you all the way, but would rather you have a seat on the couch next to them.
.-= Fred H Schlegel´s last blog ..Scenario Planning As A Spur To Entreprenurial Thinking =-.
Karen Swim says
Karen, this is where online communities can also be helpful. As Janice noted we can seek out the extreme encouragers, the like minded to help us as we navigate change. I am having the same experience as you, so count me as another person in your corner supporting you as you move forward.
Karen Swim says
Barbara, you are modeling this right now! I have watched you handle your own recent change with absolute integrity and honor. It has been an inspiration, and yes I’m paying attention. 🙂 I wish we could tape it on our foreheads – DO NOT TRY TO PLEASE EVERYONE. Leads to failure and misery.
Karen Swim says
Jan, our FB discussion was exactly what I needed. I feel like we are both surfing those monster waves and cheering each other on so that we don’t wipe out (or at least if we do we will look good while biting it and can can laugh about it together). 🙂 I love your approach to seek out the extreme encouragers, hmmm…rather than trying to convert those around us we proactively seek out the needed support.
I have had some recent successes with knocking more than once. So send them another one or be really bold and call. Yes, that’s me driving the truck, smiling and waving. 😉
Karen Swim says
Brad, I agree and when I worked in Corporate, “change managers” were valued. Organizations always need leaders that can help lead through change precisely because of the issues you raised. I’ll have to get you to do a guest post on this issue – love your insights!
Heather Villa says
This is so true. As an entrepreneur change is must in order to move forward. Life changes, the economy changes and your business will have to change too. Having people around you who embrace your vision and who aren’t afraid of change is vital.
.-= Heather Villa´s last blog ..Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich =-.
Karen Putz says
I enjoyed this one– it is right in line with some changes I’ve been making lately and leaving some unhappy folks behind as a result. I especially love the words you shared from Kevin Buck– sometimes it just hard to take that first step of being true to oneself and sharing that view with the world–knowing that others may not agree with those views and leadership.
.-= Karen Putz´s last blog ..The American Sign Language Journey =-.
Brad Shorr says
Karen, Yes, that sort of thing did happen, especially repositioning. Inability/unwillingness to adapt was not always a matter of attitude, though. Sometimes change requires people to develop new skills that are hard to learn or hard to learn quickly enough. In those cases, a better job fit somewhere else in the organization can be the best solution for all parties involved. In my experience, people are usually willing to go along with and support change if it’s explained properly and makes sense.
.-= Brad Shorr´s last blog ..The World’s Greatest Marketer =-.
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach says
Fantastically insightful post! I’ve learned myself that you simply cannot make EVERYONE happy with your ideas….so the most important thing is to satisfy your own integrity and let the followers come where they may.
.-= Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach ´s last blog ..Today’s Quote of the Day – Success Is Not For The…. =-.
Janice Cartier says
Ah, change. Someone told me this week ” fabulousity doesn’t just happen.” ( Karen did.) I read two terrific posts this week from Christine Kane about this very thing, one about Extreme Encouragers which we could be and certainly need to be for those we care about and for ourselves. And one a terrific video on making a “playing big” zone, to eliminate those “default” things we sometimes do when out of our comfort zones, things that prevent change.
Personally, I try to find my extreme encouragers if I notice I am pulling back, or anxious and very much on one of those precipices ….and luckily you were one of them this week, Thank you. No word back yet, but I have more emails to send…( be still little flutter in my tummy….)
I think this is a great area to explore, you’d think we would be better at change, it is a constant isn’t it?
Karen Swim says
Robert, lol, I know, really why is that? We humans are funny creatures. We tune into animal planet for thrills and laughs but I tell we must provide a heap of amusement for those watching us! 🙂
Karen Swim says
Hi Brad, your experience is not uncommon but the key is that you were courageous enough to keep trying. Not everyone has this ability and I think it’s why we see corporate change often handled badly. Did you ever have to move people to other positions or fire them when they would not/could not change?
Robert Hruzek says
Ah, change; everybody’s favorite bugaboo! So easy to forget that probably every advance we ever earned, every outstanding goal we’ve ever achieved, and everything we think is worth working towards – has required, or will require a change to achieve it!
So knowing that, both intellectually and from experience – why do we still resist change so much? Yet we do! Go figure.
Thanks for tweakin’ the ol’ little gray cells this morning, Karen!
.-= Robert Hruzek´s last blog ..Limbo =-.
Brad Shorr says
Hi Karen, Excellent suggestions and reflections today! You do have to have the courage of your convictions in order to stay firm against resistance to change. Most of my career has been spent trying to promote and implement new ideas: it’s no picnic. In a corporate environment change can be not only uncomfortable, but threatening. I’ve tried many different techniques to implement change – from commanding to coddling. What’s always worked best for me is patience – patiently explain, patiently listen, patiently move forward.
.-= Brad Shorr´s last blog ..The World’s Greatest Marketer =-.
Karen Swim says
Hi Conor, thank you! I so agree that our own resistance is the most difficult. I think that’s what makes it so hard to encounter it externally, you have already fought hard within and then to face outside opposition. You are truly blessed to have loving support around you, but then that does not surprise me at all. 🙂
Karen Swim says
Thank you Joanna. Yes, there is something about this season in particular that evokes a deeper reflection, a change that is unlike the change that comes . Your post was a beautiful illustration of this reflection: http://bit.ly/4Edel0
Conor says
Hi Karen,
Great post, very timely for me.
Change is difficult, particularly when it is thrust upon you and you are left to accept it or fight it. I think a lot of light is shed on the virtues of respect, acceptance and patience when change comes, either instigated by ourselves, or by others.
I have encountered resistance to change, but mostly from within. I’m blessed to have very understanding people in my life who have faith in my ability to come through any transition.
As soon as I feel myself coming close to a comfort zone, I start to seek out further learning and development. Embracing change is not easy, but I think it keeps the heart, mind and soul fit, healthy and young 🙂
Conor
Joanna Young says
Thoughtful stuff Karen, for both personal and professional change processes. This time of year seems to evoke so many feelings of change, some welcome, some not, it’s good to think through and share some of the ways we deal with it both in ourselves and those who walk alongside us
.-= Joanna Young´s last blog ..Stop Apologising (for the things you’ve never done) =-.