Written by Karen D. Swim
Maman est morte.–Albert Camus, L’Etranger
The first line of a novel has the power to hook you as a reader and entice you to read more. The line may shock you with honesty, tease you with what is to come or set the scene for the story ahead. Some first lines are so brilliantly memorable that they have become more famous than the novel itself, such as:
It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. — George Orwell, 1984
It was a dark and stormy night. — Madeleine L’Engle, A Wrinkle in Time
A great first line gets your attention and compels you to read on. It is the come-hither look and whispered breath of longing.
Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. –Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
It serves as an introduction to character, place or mood.
If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. –J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show. –Charles Dickens, David Copperfield
You do not have to be a literary great to apply this novel approach in business. Every business has a story but that story gets lost in corporate jargon. How often have you opened a marketing brochure or visited a website with a first line that made you lean in eager to read more?
Applying storytelling techniques in business writing is an excellent way to make a great impression and pick up customers. Storytelling adds warmth and humanity to your writing and feels more like a conversation than a pitch. Here are five practical ways that you can leverage the novel approach:
- Craft headlines that mirror the first line of a novel. Use them to capture your reader’s attention.
- Use “characters” to tell your business story. The character can be you, an employee or a customer.
- Think like a reader. If your copy were a book, what would make the reader pick it up from the shelf?
- Be descriptive. Providing a reader with just enough detail allows them to form a mental picture and makes them part of the scene. Visual mediums use this technique but it is also possible to do it on paper.
- Ditch the corporate jargon. The use of corporate jargon is common but often is a barrier to engaging your reader. It can read like a 10 foot wall that you expect readers to climb to get to the real message. Skip the corporate acronyms and jargon and talk to your readers.
Have you seen any good uses of storytelling in business? Are you using the technique in your own business writing?
Resources:
Kelly Erickson takes this idea a step further in her post on Building Your Business with a Concept.
Joanna Young discusses the use of long words and makes a case for plain, simple language.
If you have ideas to share on Writing Website Content, please offer your comments here.
I have experienced much and fear little. A very good friend told me once that it really isn’t the truth that upsets people, but the delivery of it. If I or you upset someone by something we blog about or write in 140 characters because they know us, they accept it as a misunderstanding and not as something malicious or deliberate.
To be able to distinguish or make judgments about someone it’s always best to do so after having an opportunity to know them first.
Sometimes people just don’t have the time which is sad.
Robert “Butch” Greenawalt´s last blog post..2-Port USB KVM Switch
@Jamie, isn’t it sad we fear just communicating like human beings? *sign* We over complicate an as a result isolate the very people we want to attract. Thanks for the reminder about the Annette Simmons book. May do a post on that later this month. 🙂
Great advice, Karen. I can’t tell you how many times I swatted away potential vendors who just wanted to show me their slides and tell me who they knew that I might also know, when with the right story they’d have landed the gig! (or at least got me to call back)
P.S. Don’t forget about Annette Simmons. Her Story Factor is an amazing book about using storytelling in business.
@Terry, oh my gosh don’t get me started on the Dan Kennedy copycats. You are so right that AIDA still applies. There are newer formulas that label the formula differently but the same rules apply.
@Evelyn, you make great use of stories and it’s one reason I remember your posts so well. It is an art and a perfect adult learning tool. Humor is really good too!
@Robert, a dramatic image is well you know worth a thousand words. 🙂 I agree, a grab em by the neck sentence or picture – nothing like it! Course, a fine limerick is also a great opening. 🙂
@Barbara, I love that line and almost used it! I did not have room for them all but that could be a fun project to share our favorite first lines. In writing and speaking, people remember stories so it’s really amazing that we don’t make greater use of them in business.
@Janice, lol! Now you see why my “Freudian slip” delayed publishing of this post. LOL! First sentences are awesome, there are so many good ones that not only delight as a reader but fire you up as a writer. I only hope my novel’s opening is half as good as these classics.
@Julia, I love the headline and the article! It is a clever use of title and as everyone becomes more globally diverse I bet many of your readers got it. I’m glad you shared it. I have bookmarked it to so that I can leave a proper comment, but I love it!
@Joanna, thank you so much! I am hugging you! Headlines are my weakness so yay, there’s hope for me yet! 🙂
@Brad, it is much easier to write for others! I am so often the “emperor with no shoes.” The client edits could definitely be a blog post, are you volunteering? 🙂
@Butch, you always have such great insights and comments. Lol, that secret society may have been created by accident. I think that people often “copy” what the believe works and it becomes the accepted norm. I believe the fear is that if you dare to be different readers will not respond. It’s a sad, sad cycle.
It’s great to see people thinking outside the box like this. Actually, the “novel” approach still fits the old copywriting rule of AIDA (attention, interest, desire, action) by grabbing the readers’ eyeballs right off the bat.
I like this approach much better than the bold-red headline you so often see. Who else wants to . . . (yeah, like that).
Terry Heath´s last blog post..“Do Not Go Gentle”
I definitely like the idea of using stories to share my messages. I find that stories keep the readers engaged. Humor also helps!
Evelyn Lim´s last blog post..What Are The Akashic Records?
I agree with the “grab ’em by the neck” philosophy in composing that first sentence – but ya gotta admit, for some types of writing a truly dramatic image is also pretty effective. I’m just sayin’.
Don’t forget my favorite opening line to my favorite book, The Light Bearer by Donna Gillespie:
“It was a wolf-ridden night.”
And the rest of the 700+ odd pages were just as magnificent.
Story-telling is always a great way to help customers relate to you. I love the ability to draw them in that way.
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach´s last blog post..Easy way to increase readership via free one time offer script
I started to type a response and then went back to my own site to check my first sentences in my posts. LOL
Because I am a huge fan of first sentences. You’ve captured some of my favorites above.
I use the first sentence/first paragraph test when deciding to purchase this book or another…it’s kind of like a handshake. And looking into someone’s eyes. You can get a good sense of who and what’s behind those instantly.
And tell me, if those are engaging don’t you want to know more?
Janice Cartier´s last blog post..Say Hallelujah!
Karen, this is great. Really food for thought! I recently wrote a blog post and actually tried to use an idea like this in the title. However my reference was to a british childrens book, which I fear might have been lost on a US audience….http://tinyurl.com/d9ncva
I loved this post Karen, but the clincher is the headline – perfect!
Joanna Young´s last blog post..10 Things I’ve Learned About Writing and Tenacity
Hi Karen, DOn’t you think it’s easier to write for others than about your own business? It’s always a problem for me. I’ve rewritten my own site numerous times and still think it misses the mark by a wide margin. As for client edits … wow, what a blog conversation that could be! Happens to me fairly often. Some clients get nervous when the finger gets close to the “publish” button. In business there is a powerful urge to conform, to play it safe, that defies reason. You can point out example after example of companies that succeeded wildly by taking content “risks”, and still, clients cling to conformity. I take it you have had similar experiences?
Brad Shorr´s last blog post..25 Writers Who Are Shaping My World
I often wonder if there is a secret society that creates templates and canned scripts to discribe all of the wonderful features and services we provide our customers. Perhaps their sincere wish is that you’ll be too busy to actually read it and immediately buy it, let’s face it, thats how they sell it to you.
To be engaging as a business or as person takes time, if you don’t have the time or your time is too valuable you shouldn’t be all that disappointed when you discover something negative.
I enjoyed your post very much.. to be yourself or to represent the brand of your company you should make every effort to be honest, sincere and especially and most importantly be “yourself.”
Robert “Butch” Greenawalt´s last blog post..2-Port USB KVM Switch
@Brad, you are the master of this so your comments are welcomed! Funny enough, with clients I employ this, but admittedly I need to do a revamp of my own copy! Do you find that some clients say they want different but then edit it back to more of the same?
Karen, Wiser words were never spoken! You have to capture the imagination of readers, whether they are reading Camus or your dry cleaning website. As business writers, we have to always be thinking like a customer. It does not come naturally to most people, which is why so much web content goes over like a lead balloon. Excellent post!
Brad Shorr´s last blog post..25 Writers Who Are Shaping My World