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Crouching Lion, Hidden Fear

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Written by Karen D.  Swim

My own descent into full-blown fear of self-promotion began subtly. I was fine when presented with a sales situation, one in which there was a clearly defined prospect. Even cold calling did not bother me, as I somehow was able to effortlessly slide into sales mode. I had spent the better part of my career in sales and marketing or in roles that required the ability to sell.

Cowering Man

Yet, I was uncomfortable with proactive self-promotion that required me to raise awareness of my brand. A problem that may have been quietly tucked away as a quirk or minor weakness in the “good old days” came face to face with the reality of life lived aloud in living color and broadcast to millions of people. There is nothing like social media to slap you in the face with your weakness and magnify it like the trick mirrors in a fun house.

I watched in horror as peers blew past me on Twitter and created ravenous groups of fans on Facebook. I hobbled along like a one legged tortoise in a race against a herd of hares. Everyone else seemed capable of sharing their accomplishments, and telling the world what they did while I stood on the sideline waiting my turn.

I had good excuses. I did not want to bother people. People were being saturated with too much information. I did not want to come across as a know it all. I was going to be nice if it killed me. So, I didn’t invite people to friend me, I rarely promoted my blog, I never invited subscribers and heaven forbid that I should actually send a newsletter to the people who signed up for one. In other words, I did nothing.

As opportunities slipped through my hands my “politeness” started chipping away at my esteem. I believed that I wasn’t in the same league as those who self-promoted. I had a bad case of “not as-itis” – not as good, not as smart, not as credentialed. The questions came fast and furious: Was I too late to join the party? Was my market too crowded for what I had to offer? Oh gosh, why did X client hire me, this project is over my head!

Before I knew what hit me I was hiding under the table with a lion trying to avoid the stampede. Modesty had become a cancer that was affecting my job, and I had to find a cure.

I had scope creep and it wasn’t pretty. The scope of my fear had moved from self-promotion to my confidence in my ability to do my job. A job I had been doing on my own for nearly five years with 20 years of experience to back me. Shocked to my senses, I crawled from under the table and resolved to find the way – to the yellow brick road, Kansas, the Wizard (I already had the cowardly lion after all- I honestly did not care where I went as long as the Land of Scared was in my dust.

You may be tempted to dismiss your fear as a minor inconvenience but I learned the hard way that fear does not always stay in the box you have chosen. The fear of self-promotion in today’s world can cost you in opportunity, dollars and self-respect.

Stick around for the last two posts in this series and I will tell you how I drop kicked my fear like a kung-fu master.

Have you experienced scope creep in regards to fear? What did you do to overcome it?

Photo Credit: © Caraman | Dreamstime.com

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Comments

  2. Karen,
    I have a “regular job” and so I’ve always been thinking “Ok, wonderful, I haven’t to be good in self-promotion because I haven’t to do any”. But I am thinking that’s wrong. In addition to that I sometimes think my blog could do with a bit of self-promotion, and I have my difficulties with doing that. Do I offer something? Do I offer something special? Obviously, because some people say so. But before I say “Hey, come to my blog, there’s a wonderful little story about the the ruins of the Anhalter Bahnhof, you’ve got to read that” I’ll bite my tongue off.
    I am looking forward to the next part of your series.

    Ulla Hennig´s last blog post..Once upon a Time There was a Station

  3. I know this feeling well, especially about the blog stuff – I don’t promote my blog either. Well, everyone has written about everything, they are more qualified, and so on. Which is not exactly true, but well you know. I don’t want to push it on you, so it’s there, if you are interested you are welcome, but really it’s nothing special.

    We are taught to be humble little kids – “you don’t ‘want’, you only ‘would like’ “, “it’s nice, but you know some people can do a lot better my son”, “don’t think you are special”, etc. – we learn it well, and then when we become adults it all comes back to masticate on our hind parts. (My English amazes me at times 😀 )

    On the other hand, it is good living for therapists 🙂

    Looking forward to the chop-kicks, and the Folding of the Fear.

    Roland Hesz´s last blog post..Requirements and Use Cases – part II

  7. Debbie, I am so glad I’m not alone, well kind of, oh shucks you know what I mean. 🙂 I can’t wait to hear your secrets too. We can all help each other to tackle this little “problem.” 🙂

  9. Meryl, I remember one of my earliest managers saying that to me but can’t remember whom first said it either – Tom Hopkins maybe? You are so right though, we are all in sales, like it or not, so may as well learn to like it eh. 😉

  12. Thank you, Karen. I just read somewhere — which I could remember so I can give proper credit — that we’re all sales people even those of us who claim “I’m not a sales person.” But it’s right on. We all have to sell our strengths to advance, to get first chair, to play first string.

    Meryl Evans´s last blog post..Mommy, Where Do Clients Come From?

  13. @Butch, “Be you, everyone else is spoken for,” very good point, but we need not change our nature or core values to learn to effectively self-promote. I think that is one of the challenges – finding the methodology that fits (although it may challenge you out of your comfort zone) your style and personality.

  14. @Meryl, you hit the nail on the head! It is about building relationships rather than “selling to.” There are those who clearly show self-interest but the best sales people care about building and sustaining relationships not just a one time hit.

    @Joely, I love the title of your last post, lol! I think for those of us who worry about being full-on we are fully not in danger of doing it, we tend to need a bit of a nudge in the other direction. 🙂

    @Joanna, lol! I’m so glad it made you laugh too. I had fun writing this post and that image popped in my head because it described how I felt. 🙂

    Karen Swim´s last blog post..Crouching Lion, Hidden Fear

  17. Caring people will always have difficulties with self promotion as it isn’t in their nature, their nature is to care and promote others and ther causes first. Does this mean that your not in the same league as others who seem to have no difficulties with self promotion?
    Thankfully yes, I’m personally ok with that. “Be you, everyone else is spoken for.” 🙂

    Robert “Butch” Greenawalt´s last blog post..2-Port USB KVM Switch

  18. You captured my feelings exactly, Karen. How do you self-promote without being viewed by others that way we view those who overdo it? I just remember that I’m building relationships with people in social networks — that takes off a little pressure.

    Meryl Evans´s last blog post..Mommy, Where Do Clients Come From?

  19. @Brad, thanks for the comments and I’m glad you like the storytelling aspect of it too. I am having fun with this series and was really excited to begin it this month. 🙂 Shock therapy, too much of it leaves you drooling though, which could explain a lot. 🙂

    Hi Gerald, I agree with you. I think those who have handled self-promotion badly have painted such a lasting, distasteful picture that many of us run the other way. It’s up to us to erase that bad impression by doing it well. 🙂