Written by Karen D. Swim
Lately, there is a disturbing trend sweeping the blogosphere. People for no apparent reason are devoting considerable time and effort to disparage, discourage and attack their cyberspace brethren. Was there a meeting of the Society of Mean People that revitalized their mission statement to create a wake of destruction? Is the economy so bad that angry people have taken to the cyberwaves to unleash their utter disgust with life in general?
This week, I have learned of reputation attacks (unwarranted, unsubstantiated and untrue) against blog buddies, Twitter peeps and fellow entrepreneurs. Technology has made it far too easy for people to spew their vitriol disguised as opinion or in some cases fact. An article about Freelance Writing Jobs insinuated that their Idol contest perpetrated fraud against hard working writers (rubbish!). Amy Derby received an email from Mr. X which poo-pooed her writing success and encouraged her to take her obvious talent back to school and become a real writer (i.e. “respected journalist”). I myself received an anonymous phone call which basically said “I suck,” and the caller was not certain if they could “trust my company.” Sadly, these are only three of the several examples I have learned about this week alone.
Personally, I’m cool with criticism but prefer constructive criticism that is not anonymous. However, the above examples seem to have one purpose and that is to tear down other people. It takes a great deal of effort to sit down and craft an email, write a post or make a phone call. Why expend that energy for negative intentions? Can any good result from your efforts?
Some of the attacks are cloaked as “helpful advice.” Oh yea, because we all want unsolicited comments that point out we’re sucky heads. I have discovered that the old adage, “If you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all,” works well in many circumstances. This means, zip it up bub unless someone asks you.
If you spot a broken link, or a form that does not work on my site, of course I want to know. These are mistakes or technical errors I can actually fix. However, I can do nothing about the fact that you think I am a sucky head. That my friend is a problem you’ll have to fix without my intervention.
The internet is a wonderful place where everyone can publish their views, insights and opinions. However, can we do so with fairness and respect? Disagree, debate and offer your take but don’t do it while under the influence of haterade. You may wake up in strange places.
Have you been subjected to unwarranted criticism? How did you handle it? Feel free to share your opinions but resist the urge to call me a doody head, please. 🙂
Ellen Wilson says
Sometimes I see people get snitty with eachother, but I haven’t noticed anything else that has been really nasty.
A phone call is really…quite bizarre!
Ellen Wilsons last blog post..The Forward Momentum of Bloggery (continued)
Karen Swim says
Robert, LOL! I am going to shamelessly steal that line, it’s great!
Wendi, I am glad that your daughter changed her friends. Sometimes young people are not able to see that truth. Your daughter sounds like one smart cookie (like her Mom!).
Friar, ROFL! I am going to pass on those “tasty” flavors! Sadly, I think there are some who are mixing their drinks! I don’t know if it’s smart to mix drinks, does it make you sick, do you get drunk faster? I dunno but it just doesn’t sound like any good can come from it!
Rebecca, exactly! Give me a problem and gosh darnit I will search for that rainbow if it kills me! LOL!
Janice, what a good point. It is a bit like yoga, you breathe in energy and breathe out toxins. Out with the toxins! I love the image of a toddler throwing a fit! LOL! The next time I encounter a meanie I am going to imagine them in diapers and raucous laughter will ensue.
Evelyn, I am glad you missed it! I don’t like seeing good people get attacked. Thankfully there are so many other great things that fill our days and minds. 🙂
Roland, LOL! I could use those Ukranian consultants for a few other things. LOL! You have been missed, welcome back!
Hey Dancing Queen Melissa! 🙂 I usually steer clear too but mess with my friends and I am going to speak up (with a smile of course)! Now, let’s fly above this shall we, we have some roofs to dance upon. 😉
Melissa Donovan says
I try to steer clear of this kind of drama but I wanted to applaud the fact that you’re taking the hatorade drinkers to task. Nice work superhero style.
Roland Hesz says
Jeez, I pull out my feet to live some offlife and people go crazy.
I thought it would be the other way, everyone popping the champaign annd dancing happily that I’m gone.
I hate these things, because there are people who does not know the “criticized’ ones personally, and are prone to believe it.
And the phone call is especially painful, I don’t mind an e-mail – ok, I do, but that’s just some reading time -, but calling at home crosses the line.
I know some ukranian consultants if you need them Karen 😉
Evelyn Lim says
I’m not aware of the vicious attacks that have been going on, as you’ve described. It sure sounds awful and I’m shocked! My sympathies also go to you on the horrible phone call that you received. Please don’t believe what this person say!! I read your blog posts and I think you write well!
You are right to say that there is no point expending your time and energy on negative feedback. For one, I just delete any complaints made to me, zap it out of my memory and move on. I’d rather focus my brain bytes on more important stuff.
Evelyn Lims last blog post..10 Insights Into The Power Of Thoughts
Janice Cartier says
Karen – I missed all this but I am sorry to see it happen. Usually that kind of thing is so much more about them than you. I tend to look at them as a toddler throwing an annoying fit. Clearly, constructive criticism is helpful . If something is broken , we want to fix it, but complaints and biased or unfounded attacks by that brave soul Anonymous…should go right where they belong…. out, with the next breath.
Rebecca Smith says
Doody head? Haterade? lol.
(nice “flavors,” Friar)
Karen, I think you’ve nailed it right there. Maintaining a sense of humor amid criticism and attacks is the best way to sail through them unscathed.
Rebecca Smiths last blog post..It’s all about I
Friar says
Try new improved “Haterade”, in these refreshing flavors:
– Black Bile
– Green Envy
– Jaundiced Yellow
🙂
Friars last blog post..Friar’s Random Olympic Thoughts
Amy says
Sorry to hear about that phone call, Karen. Honestly, I do sometimes wonder why people can’t find anything better to do with their time. I wish I had MORE time and these folks spend theirs looking for folks to say mean things to, it seems.
Jodee, I think you have it right. There is no way to please everyone.
Amys last blog post..Freelance Writing Success: Your Way or Mine?
Wendi Kelly- Life's Little Inspirations says
Karen,
Society in general doesn’t like the status quo to change. When someone starts to climb out of their *station* whatever it may be, it causes change and discomfort. Some people just can’t handle that.. If you get more successful then they are, that is enough for them to feel the need to critisize. Also if you fall to far below the mark, you will hear about that too.. Any moving target gets the arrow.
I remember when my oldest daughter was in school and had a rather large group of friends. They all got basically the same kind of grades. One year she decided to apply herself and her grades started to drasically pull ahead. Suddenly they were critical of every little thing she did. Pick, pick, pick. She had to go find new friends.
Unfortunetly, its one of the sad reasons we start to learn to fear change, the uncomfortable consequence of social critique that comes along with it.
Deb Ng says
I think the anonymity of the Internet gives people keyboard courage. Some people say things they would never say to someone in person. The rudeness bothers me too. Instead of answering in a respectful manner they resort to rudeness and name calling. I think it’s because they lack the intelligence to come up with a proper rebuttal.
In any event, you’re not alone. For me,I just avoid the blogs and sites of people who I find to be rude or bad-mannered. Sticks and stones and all that.
Robert Hruzek says
While listening to a radio political talk show a while back, a particularly vile caller had just hung up. The very next caller made a comment to the host about what a bozo (not his word) they had been, and asked how he puts up with it.
The host replied with something like, “Hey, it’s a free country. Everyone is totally free to make an absolute fool of him or herself – in public -if they want to! Who am I to stop them?”
I’ve always loved that attitude.
Robert Hruzeks last blog post..Look Before You Leap
Karen Swim says
Hi Jodee, thanks for stopping in and offering your thoughts! While I was greatly disturbed by the article about FWJ Idol, I was also warmed by the support of the community. Your perspective is right on, God help those who are so miserable they feel the need to attack others.
Hey there Lodewijk! I think you are right that when there is negativity in the environment (like the economy) it is a breeding ground for negative people. Your boss’ advice is absolutely priceless. I am going to tack that one on the wall!
Charlane, you are right hurting people hurt others. They need our prayers because we get to move on from the attack but they are stuck with themselves (as Lodie’s boss wisely noted above).
Brad, I am sorry that you too have had the experience. The suggestion box over the garbage – lol! I have written my fair share of nastygrams but they never see the light of day! Perhaps the poison pen writers can use this strategy. Write it and then destroy it. You have released the negative emotion and no one gets hurt!
Lisa says
great article, Karen – I’ve noticed as well. All the negativity I see every day simply reminds me to stay positive.
Brad Shorr says
Yes, it’s happened to me, and I think Charlane has the right response. In days of yore, we had a suggestion box in our office (interestingly positioned over a garbage can!), and we get all sorts of anonymous poison pen letters. Today, same sad story, different medium.
Brad Shorrs last blog post..The Wonderful World of Cowboy Slang
Charlane Brady says
Well said. I like constructive criticism. It is helpful in leading a good life.
It has taken some time but I ignore people that need to express themselves to me in a negative way. I especially ignore the people that have bad things to say about me or my actions. If I cannot shake it, I speak with a trusted friend or advisor. On those occasions I end up praying for that person to be free of suffering – if they are treating me that way I can only imagine how they treat themselves. This act helps me forgive and forget.
Lodewijk says
I haven’t had to deal with it myself, but I’ve noticed it too. Not only online, but also in “real” life. I think the slump in the economy has a lot to do with it.
When things in everyday life are going well, there’s less negativity. But when the going gets tough, the tough get going but the weak get moaning. And when you bring down the success the tough people are experiencing (despite the slump in the economy), you mentally decrease the gap between “their” success and “your own” lack of it.
I have no science to back this up, but it’s what I’ve found as an explanation. When this happens I always have to remember the advice of my very first boss when we had annoying and rude customers (in a toy shop…yes, I worked in a toy shop):
“You have to suffer them for an hour at most, they have to suffer it the rest of their lives.”
Jodee says
Sure I have. The nastygrams do sting but I have learned to just get on with my day. Whatever you do, there will always be someone who doesn’t like it and feels compelled to share their opinion with you. These things say more about the person doing the criticizing than they do about you.
Great piece, by the way!