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Written by Karen D. Swim
“Getting through a first draft will require you leave perfectionism and self-criticism at the door. Fear not: We’ll keep them both safe and return them to you in December.” –Chris Baty, NaNoWriMo
As I read this line from my first NaNo email on Saturday, I realized that I would be all too happy to leave perfectionism and self-criticism behind. They are two attributes with deep roots in my life, nurtured by the childhood rewards of A pluses and gold stars, and strengthened by a lifetime of rewards for good behavior.
We humans are fond of perfectionism. We strive to be flawless. We reward 100% and beyond. We applaud it in school and in the workplace. Perfect is the ultimate compliment.
I worked in Healthcare for more than two decades. Imperfection could cost a life. For nearly ten of those years I worked for a clinical laboratory. A false positive, or false negative, lost sample or lost report were critical errors that affected the hospital, physician, and patient. Errors could affect a life and my bottom line. I became a Six Sigma trainer and learned the true difference between 99% and 100%.
Today, however, as I think of it I realize that even error free may not be perfect. An error free lab test is not perfect. Much of medicine is in fact, imperfect. As a writer, I can strive for grammatical and factual accuracy but alas, I will still not be a perfect writer.
I will never be perfect. The realization does not depress me but frees me. I will still strive to get there anyway because the true beauty is in the process, the journey itself. With my newfound knowledge, I will take the journey with a healthy balance of self-criticism and self-nurture. No longer will I allow the goal and it’s taskmaster to rule over me. No, I’m not perfect but the daily goal of trying to see how close I can get just got a lot more fun.
Chris, I really appreciate you safeguarding my treasures of perfectionism and self-criticism but I won’t be needing those back, thank you very much. I’ve replaced them with something far better – freedom. So far, it feels pretty good. If I change my mind, I’ll let you know.
How about you? Have you shaken off the shackles of paralyzing self-perfection? What tips do you have for balancing working toward quality without allowing it to stifle you?
Related References
Janice Cartier says
“Flaws with flair”. Love that.
There is a running inside joke that in the South we don’t hide our crazy aunts in the attic, we put them right in the drawing room where they become eccentric characters to celebrate.
Never thought to do that with my flaws…LOL
Amazing thing this NaNoWriMo.
Janice Cartiers last blog post..Hi Ho Hi Ho
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome says
I’ve learned to deal with some of my perfectionist tendencies.
When I write lots I tend to get overwhelmed by the story and have to walk away for a bit. This means that I’m not writing and that pisses me off. But I know myself and if I do push myself to write, then I’ll write crap and then will just go back to where I felt I left off the good stuff and rewrite.
This means that my writing goes much more slowly than someone else’s but it also means that I have a pretty good version when it does hit the paper.
Some would say just write because bad writing can be edited, but bad writing just makes me mad and makes me not want to write.
In a month like NaNo, however, my slow production annoys me. I haven’t yet figured out how to manage the word count self-expectations and the perfectionist leanings…
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndromes last blog post..Happiness or Money: What I Did in an Either/Or Situation
Ellen Weber says
Great post and thanks for nudging the thinking along on this one, Karen!
According to researchers such as Gordon Flett, perfection is not only bad for the brain but it creates procrastinators too.
People tend to mistake excellence – which is a wonderful target to aspire to, and perfectionism – which causes mental chains.
What do you think?
Ellen Webers last blog post..What I Learned from Goverment
Brett Legree says
Perhaps perfection is in the eye of the beholder?
If you give 100 percent to what you do, if you believe in it and love it, then whatever you do will be “perfect” in a manner of speaking, because no one else can do what you do as well as you can do it.
At least, that is what I have come to believe.
Brett Legrees last blog post..summer’s end.
Jeanne Dininni says
So glad to hear that, Karen! We, too, are glad you’ve shared your experience with us!
Alina Popescu says
You are so right, Karen, we all strive to be perfect on as many levels as we can, although we know it’s not possible! I think the freedom you’re speaking of is a great goal for all of us to set. I’ll let you know when I get there!
Alina
Alina Popescus last blog post..Packing and Getting Ready to Move
Karen Swim says
Lillie,lol! What a lovely reminder! When you really look at it, it seems kind of silly that we pressure ourselves in that way. Goodness, you are so right that lots of eyes can review something and still there will be an error, a flaw. Thank you Lillie! 🙂
Karen Swim says
Oooh, flaws with flair! I like it! 🙂
Karen Swim says
Evelyn, you are so right! I need those periodic reminders to be kind to myself. It’s funny how we are so gentle with others and so hard on ourselves, isn’t it?
Karen Swim says
Alex, that is such a great insight! You are right, when we write we seem to turn off the inner critic and our hand just flows across the page but when typing the delete key is within reach and begs to be tapped. Learning a new language is humbling. I applaud you. It is also fulfilling because I’m sure you had the experience of locals cheering you on for trying. My Spanish has at times been excellent and other times rusty but when talking to natives they were always too happy to oblige me for trying. There’s a lesson in there, eh? 🙂
Karen Swim says
Jeanne, “For our own sanity, we need to strive more for balance than perfection” – this truly says it all! The quest for perfect results is tiring and will never satisfy. Thank you for this, it completely reinforces all the good feelings I am having. I am so glad to share this experience with all of you!
Karen Swim says
Havi (and duck), thank you so much! “Waiting is a gift.” What a profoundly beautiful piece of wisdom. It does not always feel that way, as we grow impatient wanting to “see” results and see them now. As a writer we listen for not only the words but the spaces between them, I suppose waiting is much like the spaces between the words, there is so much said, conveyed there if we only stop and listen. You and the duck are pretty darn spot! Thanks for dropping in with zen-Hebrew awesomeness! 🙂
Lillie Ammann says
Karen,
Many of us share the tendency toward perfectionism, yet none of us is perfect. None of us can produce prefect work.
One of my clients commented that he was hiring me to edit his book so there wouldn’t be any errors when it was published. I immediately informed him that his book WOULD have errors even after I edited it thoroughly several times. I’ve never seen an error-free book, no matter how many editors and proofreaders review it. Yes, we should give 100% but realize 100% effort will never result in 100% perfection.
Lillie Ammanns last blog post..Volunteer to Help and Encourage Young Writers
Jamie Grove - How Not To Write says
For me, the best way to get over being a perfectionist is simply to look at the work produced by perfectionists. 🙂
In all seriousness though, I want work that has a human feel, crafted by a human mind. That means you have to have some flaws. The question is, do your flaws have flair? If so, then that’s true art!
Jamie Grove – How Not To Writes last blog post..A Writing Fear and A Lot Of Rambling: A NaNoWriMo Profile
Evelyn Lim says
I’d say that it is instinctive in us all to want to have a better version of ourselves. However, in that aim, we sometimes lose sight that it is not about becoming perfect. It is the journey that counts towards improving ourselves step-by-step!
Evelyn Lims last blog post..My Out-of-Body Experiences
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome says
I hand-write my fiction because if I type, then I let the perfectionist in and it falls to pieces.
That being said, getting started on any project is next to impossible for me because I want to do it all and do it perfectly right away. NOW even.
It was a real block for me when I arrived here last year and started learning Spanish. Language is not something one can master perfectly right away…
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndromes last blog post..Destuckifying Your Life: Havi Brooks Interview
Jeanne Dininni says
Karen,
Thanks for an insightful treatise on the toll that perfectionism can — and usually does — take on us and for a beautiful picture of the wonderful freedom to be had by overcoming it! There’s a great deal of wisdom in your post, and it’s obvious that you’ve learned these lessons through experience. (We’ve always known that experience was the best teacher, haven’t we?) Yet, knowing a truth and living by it aren’t always the same thing.
So glad to hear that you’re managing to shed the shackles of perfectionism! It is, after all, a hard taskmaster! Just as you say, no matter how hard we try, we’ll never live up to its expectations. For our own sanity, we need to strive more for balance than perfection. We can, after all, aspire to excellence while still giving ourselves permission to be human.
Wonderful post!
Jeanne
Havi Brooks (and duck) says
What a beautiful post! I love your insight about how, having associated any mistake with dire consequences, you’re now getting to untangle that a little.
It’s like you’re finding a way to do what you can without getting terrified about the results. Which is huge.
Also your comment to Steph reminded me of a Hebrew expression that says that “waiting is a gift”.
Good stuff. Glad I found this!
Karen Swim says
Hi Steph, I completely agree with what you said. We should absolutely WANT to give it 100%. If we don’t want to give it our best then we have to question if it’s worth pursuing. But, I’m learning that showing up ready to give my best is enough. There’s a scripture that says to do your all and wait the results in peace (paraphrased) and that sums it up for me, or at least sums up where I strive to be daily. 🙂
steph says
Karen,
As someone who’s stressed about that to the point of exhaustion, I understand your post. I’ve learned, finally, to let go when editing or proofing, for example. I know that even if I do my very best, not all the errors will be caught, nor will they be by the proofreader. I used to go over my edits compulsively before handing them in, trying to catch everything, when all I had to do was hand them in, and let the proofreader do his or her thing.
Now I put things in perspective and I tell myself it’s okay, I’m not terrible or a failure if I miss something. That’s why they have proofers in the first place, and if I’m the proofer and I miss something, too, it’s really not the end of the world. It will be minor, what I miss, something someone will notice for a second and then, as should I, move on.
The day I don’t care about giving 100%, though, is the day I should pursue something else.