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What I Learned From Crying on My Blog

by

Peek A Boo
Image by Cayusa via Flickr

Written by Karen D. Swim

I pierced the veil of secrecy and shame daring to reveal a heart filled with pain
Silencing voices in my head, moving past fear and dread
Like a swiftly moving current support rolled in, as I was enveloped in a cocoon of love by my friends.

Yes Virginia, there is a person behind the avatar. A beating heart, a living being that will respond when you reveal that you too are human. On Tuesday, I was joyfully reminded that technology is not a barrier to connection but a conduit that allows us to create friendships and communities in spite of the miles.

With the potential we possess to truly develop relationships and build communities, I wonder why there persists a tendency to do the opposite. We have a bevy of social media tools that invite conversation and sharing yet many dehumanize the process with a focus on metrics and statistics. In fact, just today Steve Woodruff thoughtfully remarked in a tweet:

“How I built a Twitter network of ____ in ___ days.” Sheesh. How about, how to build relationships and add value over the long-term??

To that I say, Amen! I read articles, posts and tweets on how to build subscriber numbers, how to drive traffic to your website and how to build an empire on a social media network, but are we missing the true value of developing relationships with real people?

Tuesday reinforced my own personal belief that doing business on the internet does not have to be impersonal. Your friendship and support not only made the difference in a tough week but validated my stand that authenticity and transparency are more than trendy buzzwords of the day.

When you focus on humanity, on connecting honestly and openly it is not detrimental to your professional brand or business but an opportunity to truly build long term value and have deeper engagements with people.

As a human being, I am thankful that no matter where I am I can reach out to a community courtesy of the interwebs. As a marketer, I am excited at forming and teaching others to go beyond one-way marketing messages and develop relationships with the people who are at the other end of that connection.

It is time to shed the decades old corporate assertion that doing business is “swimming with sharks.” We do business with people, not numbers to be manipulated into clicking our junk and buying our stuff.  Instead of screaming to be heard, quietly listen and allow those human beings to tell you what they want and need.  You may be pleasantly surprised at just how pleasant business becomes when you make it personal.

What are your thoughts? Feel free to share in the comments, discussion is gratefully welcomed here! 🙂

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Comments

  1. Sharing thoughts over the internet is the best way to let everyone know your idea, if it is a heartache and the experience is worth sharing then I don’t see a reason to succumb it. If you know how to handle it, relationships you get from blogging, social sites or even your own website gives you a chance to experience different cultures.

  2. Hello!
    Very Interesting post! Thank you for such interesting resource!
    PS: Sorry for my bad english, I’v just started to learn this language 😉
    See you!
    Your, Raiul Baztepo

  4. @ClizBiz, LOL! A hug is even better than a cupcake and laughter ah the best of all! LOL! You are never late, heck the party didn’t get started until you joined. 😉

  5. I’m late to the party here and I don’t know the history of the crying – and I think I missed someone’s birthday, dangit – but BRAVO! Such true and beautiful words, especially welcome after listing to Obama’s inaugural speech. It’s about people, individual with feelings and thoughts, not numbers.

    If I thought it would survive the trip, I’d send you a red-white-and-blue cupcake that I made. I guess a cyber hug will just have to do. (((()))))

    ClizBiz´s last blog post..MLK Day – Reason to Celebrate

  6. @Gennaro, relationships is one of the best parts of blogging and it was the most surprising to me. I had read about all the business benefits but the friendships are the best part!

  9. So true, Karen. And so poignant. We need more of you online and in blogs. Sadly, we need to be reminded of our humanity. And that we are responsible for our words.

    Thanks for the post.

  10. Karen, Happy Birthday and thanks for this deep reflection about humanity – as it engages online.

    Whenever we place numbers more at the center, than people and than giving back, we begin to cling to their rather shallow growth – beg others to feed our number pools, and use humans to grow traffic.

    It lacks ethics and yet can be read it in the lines at times where it exists. Thanks Karen for differences you inspire, we see your wonderfully rich humanity in traffic’s opposites and in the generous messages you engage with people!

    Stay Blessed!

    Ellen Weber´s last blog post..Move Past Regret by Doing its Opposite

  11. Hi Karen, I can see you are very light-hearted today on the celebration of your birth. We all celebrate you and your amazing gifts that shine. I’m glad I kinow you and count you a friend. Glad your brain is lit up in the “happy center!”

    Do have a very special day!

    Robyn McMaster´s last blog post..Obama’s an Avid Reader – You?

  13. Karen,
    Happy Birthday to you, and all the best to you! I am so glad to have met you – via your blog, via twitter. I have the impression that we have known each other for quite a long time, and I would be awfully glad If I would meet you in reality some time.
    Hugs from Berlin,

    Ulla

    Ulla Hennig´s last blog post..Three Cats

  14. I totally agree that friendships can be build on the web even “across miles”. Let me introduce where I came from. I come from Singapore, an island city. Singapore is located at the heart of South East Asia. Due to our astute government’s proposal that we be world class competitive, English has been made our first language of study and business use and our own racial language (whether Chinese, Malay or Indian) the second for many years already.

    Through the web, I have the fortune to make many friends from all over the world. Although I have not met any physically, I consider these friendships a meaningful one. The level of support on the blogosphere continues to amaze me. Business on the web is not just a technological driven thing. There are a lot of personal relationships that can be built.

    I hope that you are feeling better. More hugs to you! I will close off this comment with my favorite saying “there are no strangers in this world; only friends we have not met”. Take care!!!

    Evelyn Lim´s last blog post..Mouths Are Flapping

  15. I always feel sorry for people who feel the need to pretend to be someone else. Those are the people building “networks” instead of relationships.

    I feel sorry for them because they will never know the joy of making new friends, of helping strangers, or of just lending a shoulder to cry on. I feel sorry for them because they must feel terribly lonely online and perhaps in the world.

    Well, I certainly don’t feel that way. Not when I have friends like you, Karen.

    P.S. Happy Birthday tomorrow! You’re making 45 look like 25! 🙂

    Jamie Grove – How Not To Write´s last blog post..Help Me With My 2009 Clarion West Choices Maybe Win A Book

  17. @Steve, I’m awfully glad I met you too and thanks for the bday wishes and the awesome twitter discussion! 🙂

    @Brett, I am so genuinely proud to call you friend. 🙂 Super hugs to you!

    @Pat, I can’t wait to meet you in person too and it will happen this year. 🙂 I am sorry for your tough week. I wish I could have been there to share a warm cuppa, a hug and a shoulder but that offer is always open to you. In the words of Vincent Wright, Stay Strong! Big hugs!

    @Her Royal Fierceness (Connie) your genuine warmth and passion for human connections is never lost. Yes, we see you juggling millions of things but it is always clear that it’s about people for you. It is one of the reasons I have consistently looked to your leadership and happily learned from watching you do. You are definitely the Queen of Fierce!

    @Joanna, I came here every day too and got teary with emotion. I never could have predicted that going online for business would reap such huge personal benefits. I am so thankful for the friendship from you and so many others, it overwhelms me with emotion (the good kind). 🙂

    @Michele, big hugs and thanks! You bring up a good point, it’s okay to disagree, debate even but hiding behind an avatar to be cruel is not cool. Luckily the people who get it outnumber the baddies. 🙂

    @Roland, I am so glad we met! We live in different countries but from day one your loving heart and playful spirit were evident. You truly are one of the good ones Roland and I am glad we’re friends!

  19. What a beautiful post, Karen! It is so true that there are real people with real hearts and souls behind all those avatars and user names. It’s wonderful when folks realize it. We need to strive to remember it – especially those people who find it easy to be cruel -just because they’re not saying stuff in person. It doesn’t make it less wrong. It just makes it easier for them, eh?

    Kudos to you for being such a valuable cyber presence. 😉

    *smiles and birthday hugs*
    Michele

    Michele´s last blog post..News: Top Health Blogger

  20. Karen, well said. I’ve been looking over your blog in the last few days and shedding more than a few tears… not to mention wonderi-ng at the friendship we’ve built up through these pages, links, comments and tweets.

    Thanks for showing us the way in lifting off the lid and sharing the ‘real’ stuff that makes us all human.

    Joanna Young´s last blog post..The Audacious Guide to Starting a New Blog

  21. What a nice reminder that it really is all about the people. I’m always trying to drive that point home and even then, there are so many blogs to read, posts to write, keeping up with Twitter/Facebook friends — it just all runs together sometimes. But the connections we make are with real people, and sometimes those people turn into not just online connections but friends. That’s the best part.

    Connie Reece´s last blog post..Teaching the teachers: what we’ve learned from our social media workshops

  22. Karen,
    Sorry I missed your previous post and an opportunity to reach out and support you. You were the first person whose genuine warmth touched me when I joined twitter. I hope to one day have the opportunity meet you in person. (Proof to accompany your content on human connection, transparency and authenticity)

    This was a tough week for me as well – for different reasons – and what I’ve learned is we feel things for a reason – denying those feelings isn’t emotionally healthy. It’s much better to feel them and realize we move through them, ask for support when we need it and know all feelings are born of a greater purpose. Listening to them allows us to realize their importance, eventually we’ll come out the other side with gratitude and strength. It sounds like that’s exactly what happened to you.

    {Big Hug} Pat

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