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What I Learned From Crying on My Blog

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Peek A Boo
Image by Cayusa via Flickr

Written by Karen D. Swim

I pierced the veil of secrecy and shame daring to reveal a heart filled with pain
Silencing voices in my head, moving past fear and dread
Like a swiftly moving current support rolled in, as I was enveloped in a cocoon of love by my friends.

Yes Virginia, there is a person behind the avatar. A beating heart, a living being that will respond when you reveal that you too are human. On Tuesday, I was joyfully reminded that technology is not a barrier to connection but a conduit that allows us to create friendships and communities in spite of the miles.

With the potential we possess to truly develop relationships and build communities, I wonder why there persists a tendency to do the opposite. We have a bevy of social media tools that invite conversation and sharing yet many dehumanize the process with a focus on metrics and statistics. In fact, just today Steve Woodruff thoughtfully remarked in a tweet:

“How I built a Twitter network of ____ in ___ days.” Sheesh. How about, how to build relationships and add value over the long-term??

To that I say, Amen! I read articles, posts and tweets on how to build subscriber numbers, how to drive traffic to your website and how to build an empire on a social media network, but are we missing the true value of developing relationships with real people?

Tuesday reinforced my own personal belief that doing business on the internet does not have to be impersonal. Your friendship and support not only made the difference in a tough week but validated my stand that authenticity and transparency are more than trendy buzzwords of the day.

When you focus on humanity, on connecting honestly and openly it is not detrimental to your professional brand or business but an opportunity to truly build long term value and have deeper engagements with people.

As a human being, I am thankful that no matter where I am I can reach out to a community courtesy of the interwebs. As a marketer, I am excited at forming and teaching others to go beyond one-way marketing messages and develop relationships with the people who are at the other end of that connection.

It is time to shed the decades old corporate assertion that doing business is “swimming with sharks.” We do business with people, not numbers to be manipulated into clicking our junk and buying our stuff.  Instead of screaming to be heard, quietly listen and allow those human beings to tell you what they want and need.  You may be pleasantly surprised at just how pleasant business becomes when you make it personal.

What are your thoughts? Feel free to share in the comments, discussion is gratefully welcomed here! 🙂

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The Friendship that Ignited a Blog

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Cake and candle

Image via Wikipedia

Written by Karen D. Swim

This time last year, I was an occasional blogger. I had done a fair amount of ghostblogging for clients and had tackled a few posts for my own blogger blog. I started blogging in 2005 – well kind of, I wrote 7 posts that year and 3 in 2006. In 2007 I wrote a little more but I still had not embraced the full experience of blogging. That all changed on December 17, 2007.

I received Copyblogger in my email, it was at that time my first and only blog subscription. The Copyblogger post was about drawing headline inspiration from Cosmo magazine. It was a writing challenge (at the time I had no clue about group writing projects) and Brian posted the round-up with links to everyone’s post. I dutifully visited each one, eager to learn headline techniques (my weakness). I clicked on Joanna’s link and here is the comment that started a wonderful friendship.

I was inspired and the next day wrote a post with bullet points! I continued to flirt with posting, but became more fascinated.  Joanna hosted a group writing project and I participated with this post. People visited my blog from her link and actually commented.  Blogging is fun but man it gets even better when you’re not talking to yourself! Joanna not only befriended me but selflessly shared her community and writing tips with me.  Her support gave me the confidence to keep blogging. I stumbled, experimented and did my first meme. I won and lost readers as I found my way.

As I look back on these past twelve months, the greatest gift of all are the friendships made along the way.  All the stats in the world can never communicate the value of meeting, connecting and sharing with all of you. I may not have 5000 subscribers (that’s next year’s goal!) but I could not ask for a better group of friends.  So, today is my Joanna Young Anniversary but I truly am celebrating all of you!

Do you remember what it was like to read your first blog? How about writing that first post? Share your own memories or funny moments in the comments.  I would also be pleased as punch if you’d tell a friend about Words For Hire. Introduce a newbie to the awesome gift of blog reading. Remember you don’t have to be a blogger to join the conversation.

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One Less Member of the Posse

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Dad and LeonWritten by Karen D. Swim

I called my Dad yesterday and was treated to his usual jovial greeting. Yet, there was something there, a hint of wistfulness or was it sadness? After answering my usual questions about his day, he revealed that his dear friend had passed away. As he related the news, there was a catch in his throat that caused my heart to drop.

My dad had his 79th birthday last month.  Many of his friends or “partners” as he calls them have passed away. This friend, Leon was one of the last. In recent years my Dad spent many days driving to nursing homes to visit his “partners” sharing old stories and kidding one another. Watching them, a little hunched over, some with canes nearby, the years fell away and they once again became young men ready to take on the world.

I have lost two dear friends and a husband and while painful the losses are different at this age of life. Death comes like an intruder, a thief in the night. At my Dad’s age, death becomes the inevitable and as your friends succcumb you are face to face with your own mortality.

With each loss, my Dad loses a piece of his history. There are few left who walked the journey with him, and shared the adventures. He is now the lone historian, keeping the memories alive by sharing them with his family.

My Dad is an upbeat sort and even in sadness is quick with a joke or smile. He misses his partners, but has maintained his own taste for living. He walks a little slower these days but unaided, and we have to speak a little louder over the phone, but he is in good health. He reminds me to cherish these days and the friends and family that surround me; to laugh, love and truly live.

We talk for awhile remembering Leon and sharing mundane details. There are moments of contemplative silence in between the chat and laughs. When we hang up it is not without a heartfelt “I love you,” and grins that can be heard in the melody of our good-byes.

I hug the phone to my heart as the call disconnects, giving thanks for my Dad and the time we have shared. While I cannot control the length of days, I can cherish my now, and I intend to do just that.

How do you make the most of your days? Please share your thoughts, remembrances or whatever is on your mind in the comments.  I cherish your conversation and take joy in hearing from you.

What I Learned About Life from My Friends

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The structure of part of a DNA double helixImage via Wikipedia

Written by Karen D. Swim

There are people who have been blessed with great beauty, others with inredible talent, still others with an abundance of wealth but I have been blessed with awesome friends! I could write an encyclopedia extolling the virtues of my friends but will limit my gushing to just a few in the space of one blog post.

From the first day her heels quickly clicked across the parking lot for our very first field travel I knew we would be friends. Her shoes tapped out a happy energy that matched her radiant smile.  Sonya is one of my best friends and taught me that the bond of sisterhood does not require shared DNA.  We are the sister each never had, so close in temparement and spirit that even her Dad recognizes me as a daughter. We have weathered the storms of life together growing closer with each challenge.

When she opted for a double mastectomy following a breast cancer diagnosis, we flew to Arizona for a Spa Day to celebrate saying good-bye to her breasts. We found the joy in living and taking control. When the surgery was over we giggled as we decorated the drains with a lei and marveled that she would be bra free for life.

Sonya shares my joy for life and has taught me that life is not always easy but always better when shared with a friend.

My friend Gina has shown me that becoming a young widow is not the end but a new beginning.  We were friends before our husbands got sick and after my husband’s death and then hers our bond was further strengthened. Her boxing, dancing, motorcycle riding zest for life have taught me to seize the day and to not be limited by my age or marital status.  She also taught me that you can look good and throw a mean punch!

Joanna Young and Amy Palko have shown me that words have a color and rhythm.  They have taught me to both respect the art of writing and enjoy the freedom it brings. Through them my lens on the world has widened and my curiosity has found room to roam and grow. They have also taught me that no matter how old you are, giggling with girlfriends on a Saturday gives your spirit a much needed lift, even when it is shared across the miles.

Ellen Wilson has shown me that wearing your heart on your sleeve is a symbol of strength and beauty.  Her sensitivity to the world around her, compassion for others and intelligent mind add to her natural beauty.  She has taught me the importance of honoring those with whom we share the planet and the joy in dancing around a good bonfire.

I have learned from all of my friends that joy does not not come from “stuff” but from those who share the journey with you. Each person that I call friend has enriched my life and deepened my experience.

This post was written as part of the Middle Zone Musings Group Writing Project, What I Learned From My Friends.

Well, you know what comes next? Yep! It’s your turn! What have you learned from your friends? Share your stories here and let us laugh, cry, and cheer as you share your life lessons.

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Grocery Store Confessions and Other Wild Tales

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Written by Karen D. Swim

I opened the door and walked into the cool air of the building. As I glanced to the left, I smiled and greeted a woman in eye view. Behind the thick lenses of her glasses, I saw it – that familiar glint. She rushed over to chat. “Hi, how are you?” Her shoulders sagged and she looked at me intently and said, “My daughter is addicted to meth and she’s pregnant.”

A torrent of personal information spilled forth which I shall not repeat here.  She took a deep breath when done as though purged and satisfied. I tilted my head to the side waiting for what I knew would come next. As if on cue, her hand flew to her mouth, and her eyes grew wide as she whispered “Oh God, I don’t know why I told you all of that.”

This is a familiar scene in my life.  People blurt out their secrets, and then cover their mouth in shock exclaiming, “I don’t know why I told you that! I have never told anyone that. I’m so sorry.” I always respond with empathy reassuring them they have no reason to be embarrassed. We all need someone to listen.
I don’t look like a police officer, and I can’t pull off authoritative if you forced me too. I tried it with NY cabbies and I collapsed into giggles. Yet for some reason a smile and greeting is all it takes for people to pull up the proverbial couch and tell all.

Now, I personally do some goof ball stuff, talk to the mail carrier with soy peanut butter on my chin, fail to realize that my zipper is down (no worries, no one was flashed) or walk into closed doors if I have not had coffee but confess my secrets to strangers? Uh oh, no way! I mean hair sticking up is one thing but raising someone’s hair with my own tales, no thanks!

My magic powers do not end with strangers. I know things. I would tell you but then… well you know the rest of that line. I am the Official Secret Keeper; yep that’s me Grand Poobah of the Vault.

I wonder if I have a glint in my eye that says please tell all. Friends and colleagues have called me Oprah. I do possess mad mediation skills. If there is conflict, I can decompress it in nothing flat, but how have I become the Queen of Confessions. It makes sense (most of the time) when people I know tell me secrets but strangers? These people don’t know me from Adam, Eve. And maybe, just maybe that is the point.
Written by Karen D. Swim

It is easy to confess all to someone who cannot hit you over the head with your own history. A stranger will just listen (or raise an eyebrow and walk away). I am always happy to listen and offer words of encouragement or comfort.  I am glad that people find me approachable and somehow sense that I will not rebuke them.

Yet, it also makes me a little sad. I can listen in the moment and hopefully offer words that will help. However, what happens in the days to come when they need support? My friends have me, official secret keeper but what about the people who find themselves confessing to a woman in the produce aisle?

I fear that it is a symptom of our greater need to connect. We have lots of access points but few true connections. Rapid fire email, text and phone conversations are not meeting our needs.

We no longer have “fence neighbors” because we’re fenced in with no time for idle chatter (unless it is done online!). We don’t walk the dog and stop to chat along the way. We have friends but all too often we are too busy to really connect. Instead hurried updates are squeezed between loads of laundry and email.

We are doing ourselves a disservice. It is amazing how wonderful it is to sit and talk, really talk to a friend or loved one without distractions. When we nurture our connections with others we nurture our souls. My friendships have been enriched over the years by sharing. Tears, laughter and prayers have been woven into a tightly weaved bond that holds us together in spite of the miles.

If you have been too busy to connect, take this as your cue. Make some time for friends and family or you may find yourself spilling all to a stranger.

Have you ever confessed to a stranger? Did it help or did you regret it? Has anyone confessed to you? Care to share? The comment box is always open and there is absolutely no charge.