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Blue Days

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Ode to sadness
Image by santacrewsgirl via Flickr

Written by Karen D. Swim

I am sad today. Even as I type that I wonder if this post will get published. After all, I could simply skip posting today and no one would be the wiser, right? I’m not big on public confessions or pity parties. I like to work through it and move on. So,  I could be silent as I normally am, but I know myself too well, this will get published in it’s rambling, unedited  honesty. I would feel like a fake and liar if I did not share with you this moment when I have so willingly shared so many others.

The sadness washed over me with the morning light. My legs felt heavier when I rose from the bed. It was expected in a way but so completely unexpected that I was not quite prepared for it. Then again, can you really prepare for sadness? You see today would have been my husband’s 51st birthday.  There have been many birthdays since his passing but for some reason on this one I am melancholy.

Perhaps it is my own 45th birthday 4 days away that has made me vulnerable to reflective moments. I don’t know and I’m not even sure that I want to analyze it or figure it out. I do know that grief is a funny thing.  It is not something that you start and finish. Like the tide it flows out and may be gone for years and then one day it rises and you may find yourself pulled under by its force. It may last a moment or a day and then as quickly as it came it is gone.

At first I did not realize why I was sad. I thought I was tired or just needed water.   But as the grey fog persisted, I knew.  My secret is out, I’m human. I hate being confronted with that reality but it’s true.

I have been here before and I know that it’s possible by the time this is published, I’ll be okay again. But then again, I may not be and that is okay too. And because I always like to have a point, I guess my point today is “feel what you need to feel when you need to feel it.” Okay, so it’s not an eloquent point but it is a point.  Seriously, these blue moments remind me of my capacity to love another human being. The grey makes me appreciate the sunshine. Even as I shed a tear over what is lost, my heart sings in gratitude for all that I have now  and all that is to come.

Sometimes the only way to get through is by acknowledging where you are in this moment. I could allow shame to prevent me from admitting a weakness but I’d much rather be true to you and myself and admit, today I need a little help.

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How Santa Busted My Recession Blues

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Written by Karen D. Swim

One evening last week, I sat on my couch debating whether to make the trek to gather the mail. After all, it had been a long day and it would simply sit untouched anyway. As I was debating, the news hummed in the background with an incessant procession of bad news. I rubbed my neck and decided the fresh air would be good.

I walked quickly inhaling the brisk fall air, enjoying the crisp breeze on my cheeks. I reached the bank of mailboxes and saw an unfamiliar face. “Hello,” I called out cheerily. The man looked up and returned with a warm and hearty “Good Evening!” He looked to be in his lte 60’s with nearly white hair. Although older, he had a physically imposing presence softened by ruddy cheeks and a twinkle in his eye reminiscent of Santa Claus.

“How are you this evening?” I asked. “I am wonderful and so blessed!” “My box was at the opposite end and we were now facing one another. I looked up with a wide grin, “I love hearing that!” “Oh yes, everyone asks me how I can be so happy with all of the bad things that are happening but I tell them none of that stuff matters.” We chatted as we gathered our and then walked toward one another meeting in the middle on the sidewalk.

“For most of my life I could not walk. I’m in my sixties now. The technology finally caught up and I had an operation a few months ago. I have a cane in the car but slowly but surely I need it less and less. I may move a little slow but I can walk. The economy, gas prices, none of this stuff matters, I can walk!” With tears in his eyes he warned me that he was going to hug me and grabbed me in a hug.

He then stepped back and with a tear in his eye declared “You’re a nice lady and I knew I just had to tell you that!”

We exchanged names and cheery good-byes. He walked to his car and I practically skipped off into the night air. He said his name was Paul, but it sure felt like a visit with Santa.

I have thought of Paul often and always with a smile.  Whenever I am feeling the strain of long days, or too much exposure to bad news, I hear the words “I can walk!” The memory of “Santa Paul” reminds me of what is truly important.

Do you have a special memory that never fails to lift your mood? Or perhaps it’s a favorite place, quote or joke? Let’s talk about it in the comments. 🙂

One Less Member of the Posse

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Dad and LeonWritten by Karen D. Swim

I called my Dad yesterday and was treated to his usual jovial greeting. Yet, there was something there, a hint of wistfulness or was it sadness? After answering my usual questions about his day, he revealed that his dear friend had passed away. As he related the news, there was a catch in his throat that caused my heart to drop.

My dad had his 79th birthday last month.  Many of his friends or “partners” as he calls them have passed away. This friend, Leon was one of the last. In recent years my Dad spent many days driving to nursing homes to visit his “partners” sharing old stories and kidding one another. Watching them, a little hunched over, some with canes nearby, the years fell away and they once again became young men ready to take on the world.

I have lost two dear friends and a husband and while painful the losses are different at this age of life. Death comes like an intruder, a thief in the night. At my Dad’s age, death becomes the inevitable and as your friends succcumb you are face to face with your own mortality.

With each loss, my Dad loses a piece of his history. There are few left who walked the journey with him, and shared the adventures. He is now the lone historian, keeping the memories alive by sharing them with his family.

My Dad is an upbeat sort and even in sadness is quick with a joke or smile. He misses his partners, but has maintained his own taste for living. He walks a little slower these days but unaided, and we have to speak a little louder over the phone, but he is in good health. He reminds me to cherish these days and the friends and family that surround me; to laugh, love and truly live.

We talk for awhile remembering Leon and sharing mundane details. There are moments of contemplative silence in between the chat and laughs. When we hang up it is not without a heartfelt “I love you,” and grins that can be heard in the melody of our good-byes.

I hug the phone to my heart as the call disconnects, giving thanks for my Dad and the time we have shared. While I cannot control the length of days, I can cherish my now, and I intend to do just that.

How do you make the most of your days? Please share your thoughts, remembrances or whatever is on your mind in the comments.  I cherish your conversation and take joy in hearing from you.

Shadow Box Your Way to Success

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my boxing gloves are pink

Image by hmmlargeart via Flickr

Written by Karen D. Swim

Jab, jab, block, jab, jab, hook. The young boy danced and punched away at his shadow. Seeing his imaginary opponent, anticipating moves, block, punch, punch, hook. His father stood quietly in the background, watching him fighting his shadow, preparing for the real thing. The boy had gotten stronger, more assured. Each punch seemed to land an imaginary knock-out. Punch, punch, hook, punch, block. Sweat poured from the boy’s brow as he dipped, blocked and punched at his shadow. The boy was focused, his shadow was his sparring partner as he readied for the real battle ahead. Punch, punch, jab, hook.
We should all shadow box. Each of us has an opponent to overcome, a battle to win in every area of life. We cannot always practice in the ring but we can prepare for battle by shadow boxing. We can practice our moves, anticipate return punches, quicken our steps and grow stronger and more confident. The practice, though imaginary readies us for battle, prepares us to win.

Sometimes the shadowy opponent represents our own inner selves. We punch away at fear. We take a jab at doubt. Punch, punch, jab, jab until we stand the victor, dominating the ring. Or as Sonia Simone wrote last month, we punch to practice. We train our minds, bodies, and craft to do battle and win.

Whether your battle is a big sales call, marketing your business, a presentation, job interview or starting a weight loss plan, punch away at your shadowy opponent. Anticipate when they will move left, or right. Imagine the obstacles and punch through them. Feel the weight as you tire and keep punching anyway. Punch, punch, jab, hook. It worked for the boy, it can work for you too.

How do you prepare for the “battles” of your life?  Do you practice or wing it? Your comments are welcomed here, so join the fun! 🙂

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I’m Still Standing! I’m Still Strong!

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Written by Karen D. Swim

“It don’t matter what you tried to do, you couldn’t destroy me! I’m still standing! I’m still strong! And I always will be. “– Antwone Fisher, 2002

I saw Antwone Fisher in 2002, when it was first released. I was drawn to the story line about a young man who enlists in the Navy, and is helped by a Naval psychiatrist to finally confront the demons of his past. It was a powerful movie that dealt with family, friendship and finding inner peace.  In one particularly moving scene the main character, Antwone Fisher (played by Derek Luke) spoke the lines above. When I heard them something awakened in my own heart, as these words seemed to echo in my spirit. At the time I was facing no particular challenge but I tucked the words away knowing that somehow they belonged to me.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xgewaRT_ow&feature=related]

Over the years, these lines have become my personal mantra when facing adversity.  I sometimes modify it to “I’m still standing. I”m still here,” but every iteration strengthens me and renews my determination to fight through the obstacles. As I speak them out loud, they seem to plant my feet on solid ground and enclose me in an impenetrable fortress.  Though life may swirl around me I am reminded that I am indeed still standing.

I thought of this line this week as I received word from friends in Texas in the wake of Hurricane Ike.   Friends like Robert Hruzek and Mrs. MZM who thankfully made it through the storm.  As reports and pictures came in, I was glad that they too were still standing, all the more poignant as in so many instances the Hurricane had leveled so many homes.

Life may have dealt you a few setbacks but you are still standing. Your legs may shake from the effort but as long as you can proclaim that you are standing there is hope. I have been painfully aware in my own life that often it is not the movement that matters but the ability to simply stand. To stand in the face of adversity, to stand when everything seems to conspire to knock you down, to stand when the ground shakes and the skies rumble, to stand when then the torrential rains beat at your door, to stand when others are pushing you to move.

Today as I face the business and personal challenges in my own life, I am so very thankful to report that I’m still standing. I’m still strong. And I always will be.

Do you have a favorite line from a movie or book that gives you strength or uplifts your spirit? Share your favorites in the comment box below. All of your comments are welcome.

You do not need a website or blog to join the conversation, simply type your name in the comment box. If you’re a first time commenter, your comment will not appear right away as it emails me to ask for permission to post. Don’t worry it will show up!  If you enjoy Words For Hire, I’d sure appreciate it if you shared it with a friend. Thanks!

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What I Learned About Life from My Friends

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The structure of part of a DNA double helixImage via Wikipedia

Written by Karen D. Swim

There are people who have been blessed with great beauty, others with inredible talent, still others with an abundance of wealth but I have been blessed with awesome friends! I could write an encyclopedia extolling the virtues of my friends but will limit my gushing to just a few in the space of one blog post.

From the first day her heels quickly clicked across the parking lot for our very first field travel I knew we would be friends. Her shoes tapped out a happy energy that matched her radiant smile.  Sonya is one of my best friends and taught me that the bond of sisterhood does not require shared DNA.  We are the sister each never had, so close in temparement and spirit that even her Dad recognizes me as a daughter. We have weathered the storms of life together growing closer with each challenge.

When she opted for a double mastectomy following a breast cancer diagnosis, we flew to Arizona for a Spa Day to celebrate saying good-bye to her breasts. We found the joy in living and taking control. When the surgery was over we giggled as we decorated the drains with a lei and marveled that she would be bra free for life.

Sonya shares my joy for life and has taught me that life is not always easy but always better when shared with a friend.

My friend Gina has shown me that becoming a young widow is not the end but a new beginning.  We were friends before our husbands got sick and after my husband’s death and then hers our bond was further strengthened. Her boxing, dancing, motorcycle riding zest for life have taught me to seize the day and to not be limited by my age or marital status.  She also taught me that you can look good and throw a mean punch!

Joanna Young and Amy Palko have shown me that words have a color and rhythm.  They have taught me to both respect the art of writing and enjoy the freedom it brings. Through them my lens on the world has widened and my curiosity has found room to roam and grow. They have also taught me that no matter how old you are, giggling with girlfriends on a Saturday gives your spirit a much needed lift, even when it is shared across the miles.

Ellen Wilson has shown me that wearing your heart on your sleeve is a symbol of strength and beauty.  Her sensitivity to the world around her, compassion for others and intelligent mind add to her natural beauty.  She has taught me the importance of honoring those with whom we share the planet and the joy in dancing around a good bonfire.

I have learned from all of my friends that joy does not not come from “stuff” but from those who share the journey with you. Each person that I call friend has enriched my life and deepened my experience.

This post was written as part of the Middle Zone Musings Group Writing Project, What I Learned From My Friends.

Well, you know what comes next? Yep! It’s your turn! What have you learned from your friends? Share your stories here and let us laugh, cry, and cheer as you share your life lessons.

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